Science has upset matchmaking theory and suggested the perfect mate for a fisherman is a female Smallmouth Bass.

Sexual selection theory asserts that a female should choose to mate with a male that offers a benefit to her or her offspring. If the benefit is genetic, females should be drawn to indicators that a male might pass good genes to offspring. But in species where males help care for babies, a female might also look for a mate that has the good health and energy to be a good parent.

While human females scorn the pear-shaped lump snoring on the couch,  as they’re unwilling to recognize the value of potential energy – preferring to dissipate our reserves in a single kinetic orgy of lawn mowing, trash removal, and assorted fix-it tasks. The female Smallmouth adores energy storage and is now thought to select mates based on her perception of potential storage, sometimes ignoring the largest male specimens (something human females are unable to do) in favor of lazy, good-for-nothing lay-about males…

Female smallmouth choose a male to mate with, lay eggs in his nest, and then swim away leaving the male to care for the eggs for up to one month. During that time, the fathers don’t forage for food, so they need to depend on stored energy reserves to patrol the nest. Those that run out of stored energy abandon their nests, leaving the eggs to be eaten by predators.

It would make sense then that a female should look for clues that her mate has lots of stored energy.

Big pear shaped angler snoring on the riverbank could be the Smallmouth equivalent of Clint Eastwood and Brad Pitt.

… and while we love fishing for Bass over their spawning beds, it could be a couple weeks earlier we would’ve had better success with their women…

Something to ponder, especially if that gene can be introduced into human DNA – in which case us fishermen are guaranteed an undisturbed nap after that horribly strenuous day of fishing …

Tags: Smallmouth Bass, potential energy, lazy fishermen, lawn mowing, DNA, Clint Eastwood, Brad Pitt