My streak of 33 years without being called to Jury Duty, is over.
I’ve received sage council from the folks at work; how I can spot a guilty fellow a mile away, it being an innate skill … Carry a copy of “Mein Kampf” under my elbow, and mumble a lot to no one in particular …
… start the dissertation with, “I’ve been diagnosed with Swine Flu” and snarkle noisily as I wipe nose on shirt sleeve … It all seems a bit childish as once His Honor finds out I’m a fly fisherman – that should be indictment enough.
Izaak Walton insisted we were the introspective intellectual, yet Herman Melville quashed that notion with his vengeful and bitter Captain Ahab. Hemingway attempted to make us “wise old men” – but was undone by a couple of “slasher” movies and the resurgence of the Somali fisher-privateers.
Having guided an innordinate number of lawyers and judges in my youth, those precious fly selection skills may serve me well. I’ll just glad-hand the Judge on my way to the podium, mention that “Titty bar” I saw him at on the Trinity, and I’ll be off the panel and back at work within the hour.
Excuses are akin to fly selection; many will work only some work better than others.
Tags: fly fishermen, rogues, knaves, jury duty, Herman Melville, Izaak Walton, Somali pirates
I was there.
Prospective juror: “Judge, I don’t speak English”
Judge: “Sir, where do you work?”
Prospective juror: “I work at UC Berkeley”
Judge: “An what do you do at UC?”
Prospective juror: ” I teach mathematics”
Judge: “And how long have you taught math at UC?”
Prospective juror: “Twelve years”
Judge: ” So, you’re telling me you’ve taught math at UC for 12 years and you can’t speak English?”
Prospective juror: “Well I do speak English, just not good enough to serve on a jury”
You’re the guy that taught my Calculus class – and the reason I dropped it.
I could have been a contender…
33 years without doing jury duty? In that same time period I have served on two juries and been called for duty 4 more times!
But I can’t win a dime in the lottery? Go figure.