It’s Life’s Darkest Moment. All them hours painstakingly crafting a weekend trip to a trophy lake known only to a handful of trustworthy associates who aren’t, and its azure beauty has been despoiled by hordes of fly fishermen from some club somewheres …

Normally you don’t mind sharing, but those thousands of pre-trip hours spent daydreaming in your cubicle sold you on solitude, voracious fish, and the entire wilderness experience.

Not to worry.

Act nonchalant as you change out your fins for the Singlebarbed’s “Farce Fins.” Paddle through their fish and once all eyes are focused on you, lift a foot out of the water, scream – and beat a trail of froth back to the beach.

A squeeze bottle of Ketchup tucked in the bib of your waders completes the effect.

While you sob on the sand, to the consternation of the assembled throng and their apprehensive spouses, produce some frayed object and claim it’s a bite mark from a hideous gigantic beast that thought you were a food group.

Skeptics will be pulled from the water by their wives, no need to be too convincing, just remember to gasp Loch Ness rather than Elliot Ness ..

Tags: Float tube, Loch Ness, Elliot Ness, Mermaid fins, fly fishing stillwater, Ketchup, life’s darkest moment