While the UK is still mourning their lost brute Benson, Germany has countered with a new world record common carp. Landed last week, “Mary” flattened the scales at 86 pounds 6 ounces.

It’s plain that the “Superhero” carp crowd are as tweaked about the gear fetish as us fly fishermen, only they’ve got about twice the moving parts as we’re afflicted with:

Nermin took the giant fish on a snowman hookbait made from a 26mm Dynamite Baits Red Fish boilie, with a matching 15mm pop-up. He presented this on a 35lb Kryston Quicksilver Gold hooklink, a size 4 Korda Wide Gape X hook, and an 113g Fox inline lead.

It’s nice to know that despite all the ecological uncertainty, whether we blame Global Warming – or Little Green Men from Mars, we’ll still have plenty of gear to argue about.

I can’t help but wonder what spin us colonials will put on the fishery when we adopt the same practice. We scoff now, but we’ve always shown great reluctance to embrace anything unmodified – and a hundred years later we’re claiming we invented the sport.

We lack the patience to bait the water for two weeks in advance of the fishing trip – as this fellow did, and would prefer renting an air tanker for one monstrous pass of floor sweepings from a Wonderbread bakery.

My limit is about 60 pounds. Anything bigger is no longer sport, rather it’s just cursed hard work. Ensuring I still outweigh the now-angry beast by two or three times – and “nine in the clip, one in the pipe” will dissuade the animal from chasing me up the bank and back to the car.

It’s certain we would be giving them fearsome monikers destined to strike fear into small children and joggers, and outfitters would have eight or nine fingers and talk in whispers about teeth marks on cars, scales found near shattered doorjambs, and missing locals.

Given names would drive the animal activists into a frenzy.

Tags: Benson the Carp, Mary world record carp, common carp, wonderbread, boilie, named carp, world record