Goodwill has tugged on your heartstrings long enough, and this Christmas I’m turning a deaf ear to the Salvation Army’s brass bell, as we’ve got members of the Angling Brotherhood who are in worse shape.

It’s the perfect storm; upside down on the mortgage so they can’t move out of the area and victimized horribly by selfishly ill people intent on making all their local fish hermorphadites and cross dressers.

We’ve reported on the early findings with great regularity; how wastewater treatment plants are unable to keep pace with the hormone burden, and how the steroids, aspirins, and mood stimulators, are pouring into our precious creeks and canals in increasing amounts.

West Virginia is the most medicated state in the continental US, followed closely by Alabama, South Carolina, Tennessee, Arkansas, Louisiana, Kentucky and Missouri.

“The growth in prescription drug use,” says Barlow, is driven in part by “chronic diseases that are largely preventable and are linked to lifestyle and physical activity.”

OK, call it a shared responsibility – West Virginia and most of the South eat irresponsibly and don’t fish more than a couple car lengths from the parking lot, but emasculating their quarry may be partly to blame.   

And their health problems don’t end there. Twelve percent of the population has diabetes, nearly 4% more than the average rate. Worse yet, almost 70% of West Virginians are obese or overweight, more than one-quarter smoke and 30% report having poor mental health, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Ignoring the above’s health concious bias, it means 70% of  West Virginian’s are ardent anglers – and the other 30% are guides – whose only quarry is semi-female fish with morbidly low blood pressure. It guarantees declining licensing revenue, the shuttering of their hatcheries and a crisis that should make us all donate.

With all the abandoned exercise equipment rusting in my watershed I’m thinking West Virginia wouldn’t mind a few of my invasives if it meant restoring masculinity to their gamefish.

All we need is a little compassion – and some donated gym gear.

Tags: estrogen, wastewater treatment, West Virginia, angling brotherhood, fishing, Goodwill, obesity, cross dressing