Your Tuna Salad resents your liberal use of mayonnaise

Simm's Naval Camo I hadn’t thought about it much until I started catching Smallmouth bass with regularity. Trout and saltwater fish shared a similar resigned expression when handled; dull and lifeless – as if garnished with lemon was better than cavorting with mayflies or seaweed.

Smallmouth were different, they’d fix you with a malevolent gaze, watching every move for a hint of weakness or a defiant attempt at communication. One glance into those red eyes and you knew the message was pain, suffering, and “getting even were you just a wee bit smaller…”

Us fishermen knew all along, but the rest of the population is only now discovering that their Tuna Salad is sentient…

.. and may hold a grudge ..

The public perception of them is that they are pea-brained numbskulls that can’t remember things for more than a few seconds. We’re now finding that they are very capable of learning and remembering, and possess a range of cognitive skills that would surprise many people.”

Unfortunately we’ll have to retool significantly, as social interactions between fish have been both discovered and proven, and a witnessed fear response communicates “predator” to all other fish in visual range.

Now, fish are regarded as steeped in social intelligence, pursuing Machiavellian strategies of manipulation, punishment and reconciliation, exhibiting stable cultural traditions, and co-operating to inspect predators and catch food.”

We’ve endured the vengeful manipulation for centuries, woefully underestimated our foe, assuming our fly was at fault and  not the real truth, that we were being toyed with

Science will forever change the landscape (audio) and the vendor community will be quick to fill the breach; with floating neoprene live wells – allowing us to release fish back at the parking lot, and Ghillie suits to alter our shape and form.

Forget those pastel colors, ditto for form fitting and rakish highlights – we’ll all be wearing battleship camouflage and double helpings of naval gray…

… but is it the Royal Coachman they fear, or the fellow wielding it?

3 thoughts on “Your Tuna Salad resents your liberal use of mayonnaise

  1. John B

    I just had a very good conversation with a smallmouth yesterday, eventually after a minute or two the conversation grew dull, lifeless and one-sided. Then I remembered, the bass would probably have more to say for a longer period of time if he was IN the water…

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