Considering the number of scientists working feverishly to combine the proper amount of glitter, motion, color, and scent, a 65% “eaten” rate isn’t bad. Unfortunately, tank-raised Brook Trout have the IQ of bar soap -which may skew the numbers a trifle, and adds a little urgency to the bulletin.

Maine would prefer you not drop worms and grubs in the water any longer – and if possible, retrieve those that you do ..

Take a tank full of 14 year old humans and toss in a combination of Rice Crispies, Chex, Corn Flakes, and Raisin Bran, along with a shovel or two of Gummy Bears, and you’ll see “natural selection”, where the healthy crap is trodden under in a rush for sweet goo.

Given that soft plastic lures are the product of countless hours of painstaking research, materials from the Space Program, and millions of dollars of seed money from the likes of Rapala and Shakespeare, now that they appeal to all kinds of fish they want us to stop using them?

Thirty-eight brook trout Salvelinus fontinalis were fed a commercial trout diet mixed with a free-choice assortment of soft plastic lures (SPLs) over a 90-d period. Fish growth was recorded and compared with that of a control group. The brook trout readily ate the SPLs from the water’s surface as well as from the tank bottom. At the conclusion of the study, SPLs were recovered from the stomachs of 63% of the test fish. Several fish stomachs contained multiple lures. Twelve percent of the fish voluntarily ingested more than 10% of their body mass in SPLs. These fish lost a significant amount of weight during the study, had a significant decrease in body condition factor, and began displaying anorexic behaviors. For these reasons, anglers should be discouraged from discarding used SPLs in trout waters.

After a lifetime of careful testing, observation of trout feeding patterns and entomological behavior – I finally develop “King Solomon’s Mines” – the fly that catches a fish everytime it’s thrown. Whilst enjoying my new found stature (I haven’t paid for a drink in weeks), some bespectacled fellow in a white lab coat admonishes me for dropping them in the water?

Here’s a better solution; consider growing a Brook Trout that can distinguish between a dog turd and a tootsie roll, and eats one and not the other, then I’ll feel properly mortified.