Commissioner Gordon had the Bat Signal to summon reinforcements, and based on a roll up of recent headlines I’m not sure some type of Brownline Reaction Force isn’t needed to assist ailing cities, states, and foreign continents.

Australia is about to be eaten from the inside by invasive carp, and there’s a steady litany of similar stories worldwide. Naturally, us fellows that trod brown water gets ignored – as each municipality hatches some potent toxin to kill the underwater cockroach, and maims half their population in the doing.

“Delta Force” would be a handsome label – but it’s taken already, and even legions of fly fishing carp aficionados wouldn’t risk angering Chuck Norris. His carefully pressed black fatigues don’t do justice to the brownish toxins we wade through, although years of watery diversions to feed the voracious lawns of Southern California have reduced our Delta to a fetid porridge.

Sigourney Weaver had a great idea with, “… nuke it from orbit, it’s the only way to be sure” – but that was said before the housing crisis, and nobody wants to depreciate precious lakefront real estate further…

Taiwan is appealing for foreign fly fishermen to assist in depopulating a couple of carp infested creeks – and begs the question, “if we lent all those F-16’s and M1A1 Abrams to the Saudi’s and Iraqi’s to lift the yoke of the despot – can we spare a couple of C-47’s to get us and our tackle to Taiwan?”

With the Army Corp of Engineer’s drawing straws to see who licks his fingers and touches the carp barrier to the Great Lakes, and plodding local agencies fist fighting over who gets the biggest bailout if they make it past, maybe it’s time to unleash a brigade of oversexed, opinionated, foul smelling fishermen on the problem.

There’s an even chance they’d make a much bigger problem, but “kill your limit and don’t limit your kill” would likely trigger a mass migration to the afflicted region and since half are out of work, perhaps a small bounty (based on raw tonnage) would keep body and soul together for a couple more mortgage payments.

Call it an “infrastructure” buildout – as that crowd could assemble a couple extra bridges from their empty beercans and discarded monofilament.

You could start with an officer cadre of Roughfisher, 40 Rivers, Fat Guy’s Fly Fishing, Michael Gracie, Fishing Jones, and John Montana of Carp on the Fly – and let them pick a brigade or two of the deadliest potbellied killers, give them fancy camo, teach them a parade formation, and you’d have the makings of the better mousetrap – assisting in restoring relations with alienated dictators, tribal leaders, and the balance of NATO.

Now loan them to whichever city or state had seen enough civilian posterior tossing bread slices into brackish water, hide the cold beer and wimmenfolk and run for cover.

It’s a “Green” solution, and while the rest of us are busy expending normal energy at work, they’d be burning “alternative energy” draped across lawn furniture stroking a couple days growth of beard and sporting yesterday’s underwear. Boost the GDP with the addition of a couple Sushi chef’s, a refrigerated truck, and we could export flash frozen fillets to whomever developed a taste for watery bovines.

No smell except for them, no toxic backlash except for them, and a pristine riparian enclave the result. Isn’t this what was meant when the President suggested we were going to have to buckle down and do our share?