Our Brownline Ambassador to the European Union recently returned from the Italian Riviera with a sure-fire marketing ploy -virtually guaranteed to get you out from under an onerous mortgage and soar once again the credit eagles.

Apparently I’ve taken the whole rough fish – brownline thing about as far as it’ll go ethically, and it’s time to cash in on the franchise opportunity.

Only saw two rivers, but both were solid, bona fide brownlines. First was the Orcia, I got a close look at one of its feeders, which emerges from the town square of Bagno Vignoni. Channels cut into the rocks take the water to some ancient baths before it dumps into the river. People have been soaking in this warm brew since Roman times. I was told that the thermal waters are rich in sodium chloride, calcium and iron carbonates, high radioactive calcium, magnesium and sodium sulfates. People pay to bathe in this stuff, but nobody I talked to would admit fishing there. Seeing as how people have no qualms about dipping their bodies into what they would never drink, I’m now thinking the Little Stinking might make for a great spa.

The Spa crowd expects fetid, astringent, and unrecognizable, it’s sensory proof that “the cleanse” will remove years of wrinkles and purge the system of carcinogens.

.. throw a handful of Carp fry to nibble on exposed toes, ladle in some caddis to tickle the unsuspecting bather, and it’s a brown cash cow.

The downside is everyone will look like Michael Jackson, but his comeback tour should spark the middle aged crowd into a paroxysm of spa treatments and recreational stem cell abuse.

Franchisee’s will receive one pound of freeze dried Rock Snot, imbued with Selenium, Mercury, Uranium, radioactive salts, Barium, Chromium, Radium, Nitrates, and Boron* – simply dissolve in a nearby creek and start counting celebrities.

MJ’s available – but now that Neverlands’ sold, you’ll probably have to comp him both treatment and guide fees.

* Don’t laugh – this is what comes out of my tap.