Can my sense of humor be masking a sixth sense? I conjure something out of the blue attempting to get a giggle, and the following week I find it on sale at the grocery store?

Spooky.

Many years ago fly fishing was turned on its ear when Jim Teeny patented his Teeny Nymph. This was pre-Internet so the steam and venom was limited to snail mail.

I can’t wait to see your reaction to the big ® blazed on the side of your next salmon, and while it’ll be easier than eyeballing whether a fin has been clipped, the bigger question is do you have to give it back?

… not release it, return the corpse to its rightful owner.

The tale starts with a genetically engineered hybrid of the Atlantic salmon paired with a Pacific Chinook salmon, gaining weight twice as fast as either species – yet doesn’t get any bigger.

“If a year-old unmodified salmon weighs 70 or 100 grams (1/4 pound), then a year-old (modified) salmon would weigh a kilogram (2.2 pounds) or slightly over,” he said, adding that the fully grown genetically modified fish doesn’t end up larger than the natural fish.”

They call it the AquaAdvantage® Advanced Hybrid, we’ll call it the “Double Chin.”

Figure you’re the same height in High School as today, any difference in weight suggests your “breadth” has increased. I’d say it’s the dawn of a new era in salmon fishing and flies.

Gone are the rare tropical plumage and feathers from endangered species, replaced with synthetics we’ll dip in Tempura batter.

We won’t have to worry about escapees – males never ask directions, they’ll simply mill endlessly at the mouth of the Panama Canal, while the females try to leap the lock gates.

The down side is they won’t expire like Pacific salmon, so this’ll be a yearly tourist spectacle complete with vendors selling bread slices for your kids to throw.

No wait, there’s more!

Trout are next.

Despite having to retrofit all the trucks with larger nozzles it’ll be every hatchery manager’s dream, docile 10″ fish that weigh 2 lbs. With that much bulk it won’t be able to swim upstream, it’ll drift with the current waiting for the Cheetos emergence.

It’s an elegant solution, plant them in the upper river and when they hit the brackish delta they’ll expire en masse, and if any make it to the pumps they can scent the lawns in the south end of the state.

Food and fertilizer in one flabby silver parcel.