Despite the colorful nom de plume here’s what you look like; you own a Sage fly rod, you fish a Scientific Angler fly line, and you buy all your flies from Orvis.

Unfortunately for the $1000 rod crowd, the Shakespeare Ugly Stick retains the title of most purchased rod in the continental US, and is also the rod most purchased with a bundled outfit.

Southwick Associates the statistical think tank for angling and hunting released figures for last year’s responses from their AnglerSurvey.com site. Southwick is a marketing and statistical “for profit” organization that compiles market information for both hunting and fishing manufacturers – and occasionally releases free reports for our consumption.

Sage commands a tenth of the fly rod market, Scientific Anglers has nearly 25% of fly line sales, and Orvis is responsible for 10% of fly sales.

Individual reports are available for specific states, and the message is mixed – but trending downward, as are the nationwide statistics compiled by Fish and Game.

The greatest growth in licenses appears to be rural areas, with the urbane city types falling by the wayside.

For the Moldy Chum – Trout Underground Bikini War:

Your obsession with bikini based angling fantasy holds water, to wit:

Statistics for California are unavailable, but Florida is a sunny state and a close approximation. There are 1,200,000 women in Florida between the ages of 18 and 29. Roughly 13% of the population bought licenses, of which the greatest single demographic (9%) was male retiree.

Figure 110,000 women in the proper age group are available to drape themselves in a bikini on a rock. You’ve repeatedly insisted that the “supermodel” variant is desirable; taut, lithesome, and abundant in all the appropriate areas. Assuming “Supermodel” is 10% of the available age group, there are 11000 women available to fulfill your angling fantasy.

There are 8000 lakes (greater than 10 acres) and 2300 miles of shoreline, and models have the opportunity to engage a bikini 2 out of 7 days, therefore, there’s 3143 supermodels available to lounge on rocks on a given weekend. This implies there’s a bikini clad lounging supermodel for roughly each three miles of shoreline.

Unfortunately, there’s five steroid fueled weightlifter boyfriends per mile – and those that aren’t dating senior retiree’s, will be mopping your face on granite should you unsheath your camera.

I couldn’t find statistics for lounging bikini clad supermodels that long to be courted by a sweaty fishermen old enough to be their dad, with a wet dog that insists on sitting in the front seat, whose idea of the perfect date included a chili dog with sweetened cabbage.

Any of you fellows want to put a number on that?