The Armageddon Scenario, you can’t eat an iPhone

That's how we roll It’s part of my duty statement as a computer geek; avoid eye contact with the customer, inhabit darkened alcoves with blinking lights and strange ritual, and finger all the donuts before selecting the one you’re going to eat …

Most claim I don’t fit the mold, a little too outgoing, a bit of rational speech in between acronyms, and I have outside interests beyond warming silicon and confusing users.

It’s still my responsibility to scare snot out of them on a regular basis. I see them growing restive and am required to restore their “I’d rather be at the Dentist” fidget.

The lunchroom discussion was, “buy gold.” Gold being the best hedge against whatever the economy has in store – and all the nouveau investors were regurgitating their best survivalist schemes – largely based on their VISA card still working. Some wanted to buy the gold ETF (exchange traded fund) GLD, others wanted to go buy some coins and salt them away in the mattress.

I listened respectfully while each newly anointed financial whizkid said his piece, then cleared my throat loudly, ” … screw that, I’m buying guns.”

Now that I had everyone’s attention, some sallow fellow hiding in the shadows asks, “why’s that?”

“Simple,” I says, “in an Armageddon scenario, the bank will be on fire so’s your safe deposit box is unavailable, the NYSE will be shut down and you’ll be holding lots of worthless paper saying you own gold – only you’re not sure who’s holding it for you and where, and now that I know which of you has it at home, me and mine will visit, relieving you of that responsibility as well as the bulk of your canned goods.”

“What are you going to do, throw a mouse at me?”

Us outdoors types have always held the Armageddon scenario in great respect. We’ve got Coleman stoves, sleeping bags, fishing tackle, the occasional firearm – and know which end of the match to light to warm ourselves.

While the financial folks gash themselves about declining graphs, we know that if it gets really bad, we’re surviving. The kids might have to get used to a dirt floor and video games drawn on a steamed window – but we can put vittles on the table and keep body and soul together.

A transient man has been arrested for fishing illegally in San Luis Obispo. 23 year old Victor Silva was arrested Sunday evening at five o’clock for fishing in the San Luis Obispo Creek near the Elk Lane Bridge. Silva was one of a group of transient men camped out by the creek. The Tribune reports that he admitted to wildlife officials that he was the one that caught the fish. In turn, Silva has been convicted of poaching a federally protected steelhead trout. While he was not charged with federal violations, he was prosecuted for breaking state Fish and Games rules. Silva will spend ten days in County Jail.

There’s a thousand wrongs in the above, too numerous to mention – and on every possible level. It throws considerable dirt on the survivalist angle; despite our knowing which mushroom is safe to eat, which bark makes a palatable coffee substitute, and how to construct a compass with leaf, needle, and capful of water …

… the warden is likely to take an interest in the gut pile out back.

I’d make sure you saw the courthouse burning before cooking the neighbor’s Dalmatian.

13 thoughts on “The Armageddon Scenario, you can’t eat an iPhone

  1. Harry

    KB

    You might have a few readers out there that are put off by your guns comment, but I’ll bet that there are a lot more out there that are doing just that. The guys at the gun shop just across from where I work tell me that their sales are up almost 700% since the election.

    And it has picked up even more since HR45 was introduced the first week of Jan. This bill, if passed, will be the first step in the elimination of many, if not all, firearms in our country. Read the bill and see for yourself

    Our new President, during his campagin, promised not to infringe upon our 2nd Amendment rights, yet during his first week we have HR45 introduced. His record in the Illinois Senate shows that he voted in favor of every anti-gun measure that was put forth. His entire cabinet, so far, is made up of anti-gun advocates. Also, don’t forget that one of his largest campaign contributors was George Boros whose stated goal is to rid the US and the world of privately owned firearms.

    Think it can’t happen here? Ask the ex-hunters in Australia. Want more facts? Check the NRA’s website.

    Sorry to make this such a long post, but even if I did not own guns, it would piss me off to have some liberal left winger tell me that the Constitution is wrong and they are right.

    Ok- I will now step down off my soapbox.

  2. DSFlyman

    KB,

    If things get real crazy here, I’m just going to move somewhere safe… Like the middle east. I got a great deal on a strip mall for you.

  3. KBarton10

    Harry,

    I recognize that guns are like religion and politics, best handled by some other fellow’s oratory or blog where the material is best suited.

    I’m comfortable around them due to their being around me most of my developing years. Like a good fly rod, they’re tools – often finely crafted – both practical and fine art.

    I have no issue with a fast barb, or misguided comment, but I recognize I shouldn’t press the issue more than attempting to illicit a quick chuckle.

    It’s part of my “mission statement” for this small corner of poorly punctuated Internet, “No topic is sacred, no one’s feelings spared, dance in and dance out – but never go toe to toe with a heavyweight.”

  4. Cody Kyrobie

    Keith,

    ETF precious metal funds are not something that looks very good from a survivalist point of view, several astute investors have looked at them and they seem poised to present an attractive story while they are very much designed to disappear at the first sign of trouble.

    Here is one of the latest commentaries on Gold ETF in general and GLD in particular.

    http://seekingalpha.com/article/121121-ten-reasons-to-avoid-the-gold-etf

    The 1 through 10 in this article point out different problems, beginning with the statement that the fund is designed to track gold, not actually specifically own gold. Therefore, they setup activities with gold that don’t really mean you’ll get any. Point 9 covers that, as in, when you have more than 9 million dollars worth of stock you are at the level where you can be eligible for cashing out in real gold. That would be 833 pounds of it.

    Point ten needs to be read. The author’s hypothesis is that ETFs exist to make it easy for the government to collect up the gold, but my sixth sense tells me the real reason is for the managers to make out like bandits regardless of the fate of the gold itself. The reason being that the gold can be replaced by IOUs for gold for various reasons.

    For what it’s worth. Envision a corporation that sells stock and with the proceeds buys bullets to keep in a climate controlled granite vault in a valley above Salt Lake City, Utah, where you can cash in on bullets anytime. Then you learn some have been loaned out and replaced with IOUs . . .

    Or a corporation that sells stock and buys fine wine and allows a few bottles to be loaned out for IOUs . . .

    Regards

    Cousin Cody

  5. KBarton10 Post author

    Cousin,

    That’s a great article on GLD, well worth the read. Like many “mathematical models” of something tangible, it always pays to be informed.

    A lot of the ProShares double-short ETF’s (SMN, SKF, SRS, etc.) are similar constructs that may accurately model a day’s behavior, but fall apart modeling a week, month, or longer.

    Thanks for the comment.

  6. Harry

    KB

    You are perfectly correct. I realized after posting that my comments were better suited for a different type site. Unfortunately, that is one of several issues that tend to get me a bit too fired up at times.

  7. KBarton10

    That’s nothing, one day I’ll go off on the decriminalization of intravenous Peanut Butter usage – or similar nonsense – and shock the crowd silent…

    I’m a ticking time bomb.

  8. Pingback: What you can’t learn about economic crisis from an iPhone | Michael Gracie

  9. Yomama

    In this blog, Singlebarbed maintains the integrity of his mission statement while remaining true to the sporting tradition. WHO KNEW that the talk in the lunchrooms and around the watercoolers of Geekland, is at exactly that same level of BS one finds at streamside among the MountainMen, Sportinglifes and Survivalists of the hook-line-and-sinker ?

  10. Harry

    Damm! Just when I thought I got away with that typo! Somebody was paying attention. That will teach me to do a better job of proof reading! Can I just blame it on a senior moment?

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