I figure stream etiquette rightfully belongs to the Country and Western crowd, only because the million lines of anguished prose generated each season could be crooned into a double-platinum album for somebody, there’s more suffering, unrequited love, and boorish behavior than romance and breakup ever had…

It’s the only subject capable of turning fly fishermen into women, whose forums and magazines are replete with sobbing tales about, “I was low holed and wasn’t even kissed”, “he pretended I wasn’t even there” or “I called him a sumbitch and he never called back.”

Brownliners don’t have this problem because we expect the worst from our fellow man;  while other anglers are still a rarity, people aren’t  and etiquette is when the interloper relieves himself downstream of us, rather than above.

We’re “angling primitives” – quick to anger and react with handguns, clubbing weapons, or simple hand to hand, we don’t moan or leave in frustration, we just calculate how many rocks it’ll take to keep the corpse on the bottom..

One of our most productive tools for minor infractions is the iMu Vibrating speaker for the iPod:

The iMu vibrating speaker will transform any flat, hard surface into a top notch audio speaker.

Any hard surface is transformed into a vibration transmission device that’ll rival the sound of a chopped and lowered 1965 Impala.

Don’t get mad, get even.

Perch yourself on a rock shelf or large boulder that extends into the water, savor the selection of the appropriate Snoop Dog MP3, and crank the bass – watch aggressively feeding trout vanish, the waterline rise two inches, and the mannerless intruder leave in a huff.

[youtube width=”400″ height=”335″]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gz3Cc7wlfkI[/youtube]

Prolonged exposure will deafen smaller fish – which isn’t as bad as would seem, when they get bigger you can wade close without scaring many.

I’ve used Wagner’s “Flight of the Valkyrie’s” on my pram for some time, we call it “announcing our presence with authority…”