Then we can enforce a two year ban if they’re caught sober

M If an ancient and venerable sport like Chess makes guys pee in a cup, why aren’t we following the trend?

… because we know the plastic would melt?

Call it a byproduct of the entire sordid Political Correctness movement, but since most of our heroes have fallen in disrepute, and only absolute fairness is acceptable, I wonder if it’s time to make the fly fishing elite submit to the catheter.

The World Games is but a short step from the Olympics, and now that the Fips-Mouche contest garners participants from every corner of the globe, shouldn’t we legitimize the sport further with scandal?

Alcohol and fly fishing are joined forever in angling lore, what with Izaak Walton the son of a bartender, and Dame Juliana Berners known for tapping the sacrament wine closet – slurring her speech even on her trademark tome, “Fysshing with an Angle.”

Whatever they missed Charles Ritz and Ernest Schweibert drank, their combined works containing more toasts than a Wonderbread bakery.

The hard part is figuring out what to ban … and if that proves overly complicated should we medicate them all to the same level?

” Potayivich, Gregor, team Serbia, weight 110 kilos, that’ll be three stiff shots of Bourbon, two Quaaludes, and a stick of Thai. Gregor, make sure you blow the Doob outside of the spectator area, understand?

… Next contestant…”

I’d consider coffee as a temporary performance enhancing drug. A couple stiff cups with breakfast enhances the first five minutes of my outing – then I’m headed for the bank to enhance bushes.

12 thoughts on “Then we can enforce a two year ban if they’re caught sober

  1. Fat Guy Alex

    I think it is pretty obvious that FGFF has been shooting the juice into our drinking arms for years. That’s why we are in the super kick-ass shape we are in.

    Plus being fat is performance enhancing, so we would probably be disqualified anyways.

  2. kbarton10

    Fat guys have an edge when rolling down the bank screaming, Gravity ensures they “face plant” with authority.

    That’s not grounds for disqualification, that just ensures you make the highlight reel..

    Pete: I wonder if there are any heroes left. Politics died with Nixon, Astronauts fell from favor with Gus Grissom, John Wayne died, and Jeffrey Daumer went Vegan …

    Doesn’t leave much does it?

  3. A. Wannabe Travelwriter

    I am pretty gullible and assumed the chess doping scandal had to have come from the pages of The Onion (www.theonion.com).

    Exactly which aspect of fly fishing would be scored for the Olympics: fly tying, casting technique, number and size of fish landed or the miles of Bud Light cans and cheap cigar butts scattered along the bank?

  4. Michael

    You are fooling nobody, fine sir…

    This post is nothing more than another attack on nymphing as a whole, by the nefarious dry fly mongering TUWN. Stealthily bathing such venom in metaphor will do you no good anymore – those who cherish the use of fluorescent green indicators when the sun is low on the horizon are on to you!

  5. Jean-Paul Lipton

    fat guys?

    geesh. I like to refer to myself as drought and famine resistant. Especially useful in the current economic “crisis” we are in. Id just as soon trade in my last dollar for some hooks and hackle than a meal.

  6. kbarton10

    Michael: I wouldn’t complain so much if you used biodegradable indicators … fishing behind you has “moss” on every snag in the river, plus the overhanging tree limbs.

  7. Trout Underground

    Speaking as a former tournament chess player (which means I’m smarter than the rest of you), I have to say doping in chess is an absolute laugher, but if there ever was a sport/recreation more screwed up than fly fishing (excepting hunting, cycling, WWF and a few others), it would be chess, which is run by a crazy dictator from the former soviet republic of Kalmykia (or something like that).

    Of course, even chessplayers don’t experience anything as deadening as indicator nymphing, so I’m probably just going to go back to drinking.

  8. Pingback: Trout Underground’s Tom Chandler to be Knighted by Queen of England | Michael Gracie

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