Twas the night before Xmas, and all through the house

No one was speaking to me, not even my spouse.

Mamma in her kerchief, In-Laws aghast

I’m focused on nothing, but tomorrows first cast.

The children cowered, alone in their bed

While visions of monstrous fish danced in my head.

When out on the drive there arose such a clatter

I leapt to the window to discern what’s the matter.

Asshole buddy, drunk and in disarray

Resolved to drive for tomorrow’s foray.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear

A Dallas Cowboy’s cheerleader, armed with beer.

More rapid than eagles my truck I did start

Leaving snoring buddy, in-laws, and Dear Heart.