Fear may be outselling sex of late, what with elections so close and a significant block of voters needing to be scared into voting. We’ve covered the Red Menace, the Yellow Horde, the Scourge of the Sahara, and what’s needed to galvinate public opinion is a good old threat close to home.

When they finish eating all the baby salmon, it’s house pets and your angelic daughter that’s next – not to mention they pee indiscriminately in your drinking water.

I’d like to think of myself as a modern day Willard – King of the Pest fish with legions of ravenous piscine torpedoes willing to do my bidding, but I can’t even get them to eat my flies regular, much less attack fellow anglers and devour them upon command.

The Pied Piper of Pikeminnow’s is one Nikolay Zaremskiy whose currently in the top spot for bounty claimed in Oregon’s ongoing war with the Pikeminnow.

In the first five months of the season, he hauled in 6,453 pikeminnows, earning a bounty of more than $52,292 — far outpacing his closest competitor, David Vasilchuk of Vancouver, Wash.

If I lived in the area, retired or otherwise I’d be all over this – $10,000 per month to fish all day with Madam’s blessing, she’d likely pack me a lunch and buss me on the cheek – provided I showered.

With all the Pentagon’s wunder-toys you’d think they’d have a Predator Submarine with a line of 11 year olds itching to fry a Pikeminnow with a particle beam. It doesn’t necessarily promote the finest elements of fishing – but if you charged a quarter for a couple minutes at the controls it’d pay for the R&D program in a weekend.