As part of the continuing War on Terror – wherein our beloved government ensures we go to bed scared of our own shadow, major cities are securing their water supplies through deployment of the IAC 1090, Intelligent Aquatic Biomonitoring System.
Lt. Col. Matt Schofield, an environmental scientist at the U.S. Army Center for Environmental Health Research in Fort Detrick, Md., says, “Everybody drinks water, and the question of whether or not there’s a contaminant or a toxic substance in the water is very real.”
Each IAC 1090 contains 8 very patriotic Bluegill that endure a three week tour of duty sampling our water supply. In an era replete with $600 toilet seat covers, no need to ask where Haliburton the government recruits these finned patriots – or what’s the cost per pound…
Fish cough by flexing their gills to get rid of unwanted particles, like grains of sand, from their breathing passages. If the fish shows signs of distress in response to something in the water by coughing or increased activity, the system automatically trips an alarm, takes samples, and summons authorities by email and pager so that they can investigate whether there is a threat to humans. The cost of the system is between $45,000 and $110,000.
I’m sure they tried trout first, but exposure to normal tap water likely proved fatal. Given the flouride laced, estrogen cocktail served out of our spigot, only a hardened brown water fish could pull a tour of duty without cracking under the strain.
Has P.E.T.A. or the S.P.C.A. weighed in on this yet?
Something doesn’t smell right? Oh, wait – it’s just the water.
Does someone sit there and watch the brave bluegill’ed warriors for when they cough? And how do you tell if it is a cough and not a sneeze?
That’s why they chose Bluegill, they can breathe pea gravel without ill effects. The difference between a cough and a sneeze is a couple hundred thousand citizens drinking bottled water for a fortnight…
if they would have used carp instead, we’d all be long gone before they kick the bucket. Just is basically an aquatic version of the canary in a mine shaft.
Ha! The Underground reported on these courageous sunfish – the finned warriors on the front lines of the war on terror – over a year ago!
Since then, we’ve carefully monitored our nation’s bluegill population, alert for any wholesale bluegill eradication efforts mounted by those who don’t just hate our freedoms – they hate our sunfish too!
I’m pleased to say all appears well.