License plates are for showmen – especially now that the good ones are gone. It’s a devotion thing, and sporting a “Trout4lif” plate is Parking Lot Hardcore, serving notice the owner has suffered broken marriages, fishless fishing, failed careers, and squandered inheritance – for the love of the game..

.. just like the rest of us, only he prefers to advertise.

It was the guy ahead of me in line, another Cappuccino radical intent on changing society wholesale – changing his name as the first step to a New World Order.

At the age of 17, Peter Eastman, who grew up in Carpinteria, Calif., decided to change his name to Trout Fishing in America. He was influenced by the Richard Brautigan novel of the same name.

He’s got legal title to “Trout Fishing in America”, leaving the technicians at Mastercard scratching their chin on which is the first, middle, and last name – to etch on the plastic.

As true Outdoorsmen are on the way out, is this the opportunity to revert to Indian names – to celebrate our “few-ness” and gradual extinction?

“Trout Fishing in America” has a certain polish – but “Foul Hooked Carp” adds a touch of mysticism and uncertainty.

Some of the better fish names are left, so “Crappy Largemouth” seems to fit my personae and continual butchery of the King’s English. The guys at Visa will be too busy giggling to log my card, which I’d exploit heroically.

“Tight Lines” will go quickly – some fellow will be turning cartwheels until he realizes there’s no stipend from the salutation.

The choice monikers will go faster than domain names, no sense being late to the party and getting stuck with “Hooked In The Arse By Cheney.”