Nothing brings the problem home more than surveying the debris field that is the high water mark. The Little Stinking has been a torrent over the last couple of weeks, and I amble out there periodically to keep tabs on it. Usually I have a garbage sack in tow, as each new high in the water level leaves a new supply of plastic water bottles and similar trash. It’s become my favorite pet peeve, as I feel obligated to carry yours back to the car along with the diet soda can I brought.

I get that you’re attempting healthy, but like most new hobbies you’re still unskilled in the fine points of carrying out your trash.

They float like corks and line every major waterway we fish. Light as air they’ll fly out the back of pickup trucks, slipping out when the car door’s opened, and sprayed around the neighborhood by your kids – who get these from Mom as they’re “more healthy than soda pop.”

They aren’t really, but you bought the whole “mountain spring-double-extra-pure” advertising package, and now you’re paying more for a gallon of water than you do for gas.

You must really like tap water.

In fact, about 40 per cent of bottled water actually is tap water. The biggest-selling brands are Aquafina, which is owned by Pepsi, and Dasani, which is owned by Coke. As Pepsi was forced to admit last summer, both brands are just filtered tap water — with an outrageous markup.

Diet soda isn’t likely to set a gourmet’s tastebuds afire, but it isn’t costing $1.79 per 12 ounces either.