Fishermen and Vegas always want the odds favoring the house, I throw far too many stones to lust after a glass boat, so lets get some useful stuff this time.

Start with the Immobilizer, a 900,000 volt stun gun ($70)masquerading as a cell phone. This will fix a variety of ills – the crazed derelict emerging from the bushes intent on interrupting your fishing, the paint-baller that fails to acknowledge your white flag, and the teen that never gets off the phone.

It may even be capable of cleaning and frying your catch, ensuring you’re always under limit.

My favorite is the Cell Phone Voice Changer ($40) this beauty guarantees a day off of work so you can extend your weekend when the fish are willing. Twist a couple of knobs and you’ll  sound close to death, your boss may even send flowers.

Also available is a voice changer for land lines. For those that have exhausted all known illnesses via cell, this will get your building evacuated in no time. We don’t advocate this, but are smart enough not to use our office extension to originate the call.

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