Monthly Archives: August 2007

They look tasty enough

Like all day suckers, who could resistWhat kind of father figure are you to allow your kid to chew on his rod?

You get the wee tyke up at the crack of dawn under the auspices of “family togetherness,” you wad the child into a car seat, deaf to the defiant howls, drag him out into the chill dawn – ignoring pleas for “DeeMickey” … and in a crescendo of petulance, you stomp off determined to get some fishing done, leaving the toddler to the tender mercies of Momma?

Now, horrified you are looking at the paper and realize you’ve stunted the child’s growth, enraged his mommy, and imbedded yourself so firmly in the Doghouse, you might as well be the blanket.

You thought them SpongeBob rods was cute as hell, now that they’re considered leaden death, and being recalled by the millions, you got some ‘splaining to do, Lucy.

Yes, that’s a rolling pin Momma’s wielding, just bend over and Cowboy-Up. While you are taking that licking, just be grateful Ma didn’t make the connection between the diaper full of ball bearings and the missing jug of Salmon Eggs.

Casting is like Kung-fu

Jackie Chan being offered a slaw dogNo, you don’t need a $590 fly rod to learn to cast and if this is the first time you’ve picked up a fly rod in anger, it’s more of a liability than a help.

Resign yourself to your fate, as finding a live human will teach you to cast much quicker than any series of books. Yoda couldn’t describe the Force, how do you expect some knotheaded fly author to teach you the feel for a cast, when he’s using silly metaphors involving clocks and tack hammers?

All talented fly fishermen are perenially late – and don’t own a tack hammer for fear the wife will make them use it. Suddenly they know how to read a clock face and can shingle a roof? I don’t think so.

What you want to do is find a nice sub-$100 flyrod and flail away in contentment. Let skills develop before you plunk down any significant rod coin, there are too many items you need to complete your outfit – so don’t bankrupt your budget on your initial tackle.

My first rod was a Fenwick Feralite fiberglas, in those days they were sub-$50 and were a fine rod. The Fenwick company is still churning out good, serviceable tackle in graphite, and as testimony to the quality, many of their glass rods are available at flea markets, Ebay, and rod collector web sites. Their graphite line goes by the Fenwick Eagle brand, and retail for about $100 after tax.

A beginner is best served by learning from someone else. The combination of watching someone cast, and being watched, will speed the instruction process tenfold. If you are really lucky you’ll get some mean old guy that scares hell out of you, so rather than asking why – you just do it.

The best place to learn is your local fly fishing club, there are usually an abundance of opinionated old guys lusting after a captive audience, as  a  recruitment tool they’ll put on a casting clinic free to all comers. On occasion they may even provide some tackle for those that lack their own rod , typically you’ll have to bring your own. Second choice is a fly shop, the instruction will be good – but their agenda is to get you near a rod product, often they’ll teach using the $600 tackle, making you assume you need that to be successful.

You don’t.

It may behoove you to ask your local shop if they have any old fly lines they’ve replaced for customers purchasing new ones. Most of us don’t have water nearby, so a lawn or concrete driveway can be pressed into service. The old throw-away line you can flog to death with no repercussion, but don’t use a new fly line on concrete, it will tear it up quickly.

Fly casting is like Kung-fu, there are many different masters, many different schools, and all of them are right. The two most prevalent are the Shaolin Flailing Palm, which emphasizes an open arm and shoulder moving in any direction, and the Prana-Bindu Frozen-Wrist school – which relies on the elbow tucked in closely to the side, an immobilized wrist, and movement of the shoulder. Like Kung-fu, many casting videos use subtitles, or should …

Casting style does not matter, whomever your instructor is will dictate what school you belong to, all will turn out servicable casters and imbue you with predator instincts.

Allow yourself time to mature as a caster, as in any memory motion sport; tennis, golf, etc.,  it will take much repetition before the muscle memory is second nature. Go fishing almost immediately, so you can see how much time is lost untangling knots and losing flies to shrubbery, water, your nose, and all other inanimate objects. This will do more to enforce the lessons of discipline than any amount of cajoling your instructor gives you.

If you’re in the midst of a steep learning curve, the fancy tackle will be lost on you. It’s no different than when your brother in law shows up and helps himself to a waterglass of your best scotch, whether it was aged 12 or 20 years is completely lost on him. Give yourself time to mature as both a caster and angler, then move to some of the higher end tackle, but only when your skills have surpassed the cheap rod, not before.

Fishing is a kid with a pork rind and a cane pole, keep it that way as long as possible. You can practice purism later when you have the wallet and the silver sideburns to back your play.

This is Petey

Petey sees the fillet knife and shudders

This is Petey, a small innocent juvenile brook trout with his entire life ahead of him. His only crime was getting too close to an enraged angler, now he is cowering in the dark, knowing his fate is uncertain.

Petey really wants to frolic in a cold trout stream, chasing mayfly nymphs and fulfilling his destiny. Instead, Petey is the Official Char of the Trout Underground blog – who is giving away a genuine Maine Canoe-hat. Unless said hat arrives on my doorstep by noon friday…

Petey’s fate…That’s right, Petey Gets it!

Now let’s see whether TC can extricate himself from this bind, his Ma wants the hat, duty and honor dictate he surrender it, but Petey’s life hangs by a thread….

 

What’s a meta for

Sinister offshore Phisherman“Protect yourself from ‘phishing‘ attacks, don’t be lured by false web sites attempting to net your personal information.”

Is the indiscriminant use of angling metaphor proof that we have insinuated ourselves into every walk of life, every tier of society, and that our quest for world domination is nearly complete? 

Or is it merely that we’ve spawned societal intolerance, and are nearly on par with lawyers as the perennial joke-butt?

“There’s a ton of cash on the sidelines, and people are willing to bottom fish.”

“Police netted 13 arrests, a gun and drugs.”

Wall Street, neatly landed in our camp, and law enforcement appears to have taken the bait, all we need do is get our hooks in some politicians, snag a judge or two and we can bring the electoral process to hand.

The converse is unbearable to consider –  lawyers have had a decade to shrug off the harpoons of their detractors. Anglers are an impetuous tempermental lot, prone to being caught off guard, and sent reeling in disarray by public censure.

SingleBarbed opens another can of worms, and catches Hell in the process…

Think like the fatted calf

Armani StormtrooperI take my Armani clad shock troops out of the financial district; lock and load with laptops, cell phones, personal digital assistants, dry erase markers and ample frappachino, then plunk them into a “World Class Trout Experience” – hoping they will learn to “Think Like a Fish?”

I ‘ve been attempting to think like a fish for a couple of decades – finally decided that fish think rather poorly. I assume that this experience will teach your executives to mill aimlessly in circles when out of their comfort zone, to snap at brightly colored foreign objects, to flee at the hint of movement in your industry, and be gutted mercilessly when your company is acquired?

I think I would be a lot more comfortable with some form of predator metaphor.

“Together we put on competitive ‘waders’ and literally put your management team in the ‘water’ near the customer ‘stream.’ “

So they can flail around ineffectually, learn brand loyalty by changing flies constantly, expose them to superstitious ritual, go in over their head at the first careless step, and blame the weather for their failure to execute.

Nice. On day two you’ll have to teach them the difference between “watering hole” and fishing hole ..

Like a new penny only better

Like Bottled Sunlight 

I can only imagine what this would look like coming through the water, or airborne attempting to throw the hook. Now that things have settled down in Croatia, you may have an opportunity to fish for them … using fly tackle instead of an RPG.

The Balkans have at least 5 types of trout not available anywhere else, many appear to share some ancestry with the Brown trout, all have diverged from that gene pool – and yes, all are endangered.

Which Zone to draw for

fisheries1.jpgWith the many reports of ocean fish stocks at impossibly low levels, and research suggesting that 90% of the big fish are gone, will the attempts at restoring these fisheries also hold for fresh water?

There are far less anglers, their numbers also are declining, but the inland fisheries are still suffering, even with catch and release management.

President Bush appears to be following the lead of Australia and Iceland in signing the Magnuson-Stevens Fishery Conservation and Management Reauthorization Act which likely will pave the way for LAPP drawings. LAPP is Limited Access Privilege Program which entitles a community, individual fisherman, or association, a predetermined share of each year’s harvest. No share means you cannot fish.

If we assume that this practice may be applied to non-commercial freshwater fisheries that become unsustainable, then it will be akin to a lottery, just like hunters have had to do for years.

Granted this is idle musings, but super-popular destinations, like Yellowstone, could have a combination of natural and man made pressures that might result in a depleted watershed, as is happening this year with their weather. Planting may not be an option if a unique species or strain is affected, and the National Park Service may even get a boost in revenue as a result.

Like the man said, these are the good old days.

Lose weight go fishing

These wobble just fineSold Out Online? I can’t believe this stuff sells at all…Next time don’t remove the rock in your wading shoe, as it may be the source of your angling weight loss.

An enterprising fellow has developed “Micro Wobble” technology, guaranteed to slim those unsightly bulges in thighs and hips, making your legs both gorgeous and muscular.

Ripefish compliments fellow anglers all the time, it’s the source of most of our black eyes… “Oh my god, Bob – have you been working out?”

Anglers have known about micro-wobble and macro-wobble for years, just wade any stream with a greasy cobble bottom, and you’re wobbling from start to finish. Felt soles merely enhances that affect, cleats allow you to wobble with more authority.

Enter the “Fit Flop” sandal, I dare not say more for fear of giggling.

“The FitFlopTM destablizes the foot slightly, creating a more continuous tension in the supporting muscles of the foot and leg.”

That sure sounds like the Upper Sacramento to me, if I get in too deep the tension is not confined merely to the calf, will I make it to the bank, or am I about to become another holiday statistic…

No finger lick

The Colonel ain't the trouble this timeIn reading the recent developments about Lead contaminated toys, it struck me that I may want to abandon all weighted nymph use and become a dry fly purist.

Fly tyers use lead fuse wire to weight all underwater flies. Lead wire acted as the metal filament seen in today’s fuses, burning through at the appropriate amperage and killing the circuit. Dropped from commercial use long ago, but still remains the preferred choice to sink a small hook.

Lead is absorbed most readily through airborne dust and ingestion. It can also be absorbed through the skin when mixed with sweat. While tyers handle lead a short time during fly construction, tying a lot of flies prolongs the exposure.

The best information I can decipher, is that you want to wash your hands. Slightly more sinister is the finding that “oxidized lead” – lead that has discolored via contact with the air, is absorbed at a much higher rate.

In short, if you handle lead, it’s on your fingers, if you smoke while handling lead, its in your mouth as well. If you have old spools of oxidized lead in your tying bench, those pose more risk than newer spools of clean metallic lead.

As a defensive practice, and if concerned, I would suggest that you lead all of your hooks in a quick session, wash your hands, then complete the flies. In this fashion you are not replenishing the lead on your fingers with each new fly.

Now that all us tyers have no hope of reproduction, current research also suggests that consumption of iron, zinc, and calcium, assists the body in getting the lead out.

Nice to know that SingleBarbed was all over the vitamin issue in a prior post, cutting edge medicine free for the asking.

Revenge of Bottled Water

aquafina.jpgI see where the Bottle Water Industry has finally regrouped and is launching a PR offensive destined to reshape it’s tarnished image. If you haven’t kept abreast of the issue; the revelation that vendors are selling purified tap water, are exempt from having to label it as such, coupled with the mayor of San Francisco tired of picking empty Avian bottles off his lawn, has the industry on the defensive of late.

I think there is a better approach than, ” Water is good, and better than soda pop.” 

They missed the entire Green effort, they could have said, “With the advent of global warming, and with declining water quality, Nestle suggests buying a six pack and emptying it into your favorite trout stream. Help the fishes, because Nestle cares.”

They missed the Iraqi freedom angle completely, martial music accompanied by Star n’ Stripes – featuring an orphaned waif drinking out of a shell hole – suddenly confronted with his first taste of freedom and democracy, compliments of PepsiCo.

“We’re better’n pop” puts them head to head with the big kid on the block, Budweiser.  All Bud has to do is have a couple of Clydesdale’s lap up some Aquafina, with a blond in the foreground exclaiming, “Water’s for horses, but beer is for men” and they’re cooked.