I’m with John Merwin, but having had some experience in this area, I’ll decipher the part that’s giving him trouble…

It’s entitled, “Extreme Rock Fishing” - there’s a rock, some fishing, and it’s got a Metallica riff in the background. The words aren’t supposed to be a sentence - which is why it’s so difficult to understand.

It’s extreme because it has an bootlegged Metallica song - you can’t have elevator music or a light pop tune, it doesn’t make the participants on the fringe of society, isolated … a shining beacon of light in a dismal sea of conformity.

… and when Lars finds out you didn’t pay royalties for his tune, a very conformist brigade of lawyers in his employ will bust a cap in your bottom. Lars likes his music, but likes money better.

There’s a big rock in deep water, accessible only by boat - giving the extreme-carousing fishermen a chance to hide the jug if their spouse comes looking.

Rods and detached reel are bolted to the rock so that when the extreme drinking reaches a fever pitch, nobody kicks someone’s tackle into the depths when reaching for munchies or attempting to pee.

Extreme Ancestral Rock Something

We did this in High School, only we called it “Extreme Muni Pier Fishing.” You take two cases of beer, mix that with a fifth of apricot brandy or Peppermint Schnapps, 3 pounds of raw squid, big hooks, and a boat rod.

When the squid tasted good, it meant you’d had too much to drink.

Of course chumming was illegal, vomiting wasn’t.

… and Mr. Merwin, the rod is there to keep the “million pound test” line off the rocks. Large fish plus tight line touching rock equals severed line and the angler missing a limb when the tension is released.

It appears the fish are cranked in close by the winch, the rod is lifted so they can gaff the beast, then it’s hand over hand from there.

I think “Extreme Lawn Chair Drinking” and the extreme hangover that followed is one of the reasons I gravitated to fly fishing. Certainly, the light line and lack of weight made the battle with fish so much more attractive, but as wisdom overtook youth - the extreme rowboat bass drinking, and extreme sturgeon beer guzzling lost it’s luster.

Technorati Tags: youtube, rock fishing, lars ulrich, metallica, law suit

… and Brownliner’s are the only line of defense for the nation’s waterways.

A recent story on a child being knocked unconscious by a jumping Asian Carp piqued my interest, what I wasn’t prepared for is the scope of the issue and how far reaching the problem has become.

Imported by Midwest farmers to filter ponds, and escaping into the Mississippi River during flood season, the Asian Carp is on a collision course with the cold waters of the Great Lakes and Canada - and only an electric fence exists between them and the projected collapse of the entire fishery.

Asian Carp Invasion - Part 2

Their behavior is something you have to see to believe. It’s thought that the leap into the air as a reaction to predators, but millions of 10-20 lb fish going airborne at the same time is enough to deny rivers to pleasure boat traffic completely.

Asian Carp Invasion - Part 1

I’d hate to think a wading angler might get the same reaction.

We’re used to mini and micro invasive species that a liberal dose of 409 can stymie, but I don’t think you’re prepared to combat something that can take you out just as quickly.

The rough fish contingent may be able to slow them somewhat as they blow through the brown water, but this is a cold water fish and may be the future of many streams that hold trout. It’s silver and jumps so you may not miss much …

Science gone awry, now it’s torch and pitchfork time…

I yawned at the stem cell debate and didn’t blink at the prospect of genetic manipulation of crops, but Pavlovian fish sounds like something worth firebombing a clinic or two. Fish taught to swim into a net when a tone is sounded - it’s every guide’s dream and our worst nightmare rolled into one.

What’s next, teaching them to coat themselves in batter and hop inside a fryer?

The theory is simple throw farm fish into the ocean and have them swim back to be fed, while they’re not looking smack some with a hammer and wrap them in plastic.

The bigger goal is to defray the costs of fish farming, an increasingly important source of the world’s seafood. If fish can be trained to return to the farmer after feeding in the open ocean for several days, farms could save money on feed and reduce the amount of fish waste released in concentrated areas.

If this catches on - what canny guide wouldn’t start planting fish in his home water? Tough day with clients and drop the iPod earpiece overboard playing “the secret Tone.”

Why stop there? If you can get them to come to the boat, you might as well get them to rise a lot and jump periodically for added attraction. Imagine how clients will revere you when you glance at the water, stroke your chin, and pronounce, “..that weedbed at 9:00 has a ton of large fish..” - who could resist abusing that much raw power…

He also expects large numbers of released fish to be lost to predators.

This is like everyone on the block using the same frequency on their garage door opener, if I hear you humming while chumming - I’m likely to harvest your entire crop..

Sorry this tone’s taken …

Technorati Tags: pavlovian fish, eat when tone sounds, farmed fish

Think again.

This isn’t one of those silly hijackers requiring you to dance around with a bottle of 409 hoping the neighbors don’t notice, this sure ain’t something you can point a finger at and bemoan it’s presence - no, this is something much better, with big sharp teeth that abducts terriers and small children.

“Frankenfish”, aka, the “Giant Snakehead” is forty seven times more deadly than a McDonald’s Big Mac, and can consume an adult human in a week or so … depending on its mood.

The species easily adapts to any freshwater habitat, including ponds, lakes, reservoirs, swamps, streams and drains. Eggs are laid in a sunken nest of vegetation near the shore, and the young are fiercely guarded by the parents. Full grown specimens can cause severe injury to humans who might inadvertently step near the nest. Juveniles are striped brown and black, and travel in large shoals.

The IGFA record is a 39″ specimen weighing nearly 21 pounds. If it liked your submerged buttock, you’d sure know about it quickly.

Some poor fellow landed one in the River Witham in Britain, and the natural concern is they may have achieved a foothold on a new continent. No additional sightings have been confirmed, but a lot of ecologists are gnawing on their fingernails as a result.

Be very afraid, the Snakehead can breathe air and walks on land..

On a morbid personal note, (and because TC expects it) it’s about time we had a good stand up fight instead of a “bug hunt” - us or them, Baby. It may prove our finest hour.

Technorati Tags: giant snakehead, invasive species, eats everything

It’s completely off topic and that’s intentional, I think it was the Trout Underground reference to Edward Abbey and “The Monkey Wrench Gang” that crystallized my resolve, the mayhem we’d love to do but shouldn’t.

The Singlebarbed “Grinch” took the day off giving us a rare opportunity for some European feel-good advertising. We promise to follow up this rare optimistic post with something hellish and deadly..