The only problem is the damn thing has to be taught how to swim.

You grab a gene from a Pacific Salmon, add a couple more from the Ocean Pout (or Conger Eel, at left) mash the syringe into an Atlantic Salmon egg, and watch the magic happen…

Once you cull the progeny for misshapen ogres and hunchbacks – and fillet what’s left, you’ve doubled your seafood production and the consumer is none the wiser.

As the FDA faces unthinkable hurdles trying to regulate these test-tube fish, producers exploit loopholes in food laws with great glee.

But AquaBounty says FDA cannot legally obligate the fish producer to label the product as anything other than Atlantic salmon. Anything else is voluntary.

-via AOL News

On one hand I’m not so sure anglers will lose out in the mix. At some point a couple of extra genes may produce a scrappy opponent that will provide great sport when planted illegally in a backyard pond, or even the kitchen sink.

As most fishermen rarely eat their catch, we won’t care too much when some lab coat wads a big needle up Mother Nature’s finest, we can no longer afford the outpouring of cash for a weekend-long pilgrimage to the Pristine, or the gear necessary.

AquaBounty says it has launched a “blue revolution,” which brings together biological sciences and molecular technology “to enable an aquaculture industry capable of large-scale, efficient and environmentally sustainable production of high quality seafood. Genetically altered trout and tilapia are the next to be offered up to the nation’s fishmongers.

Once trout hits the aquaculture cross-hairs we’ll see some plaintive bleat from our conservation organizations and the IGFA, but they’ll be steamrollered into quiescence because of the larger issue, world hunger.

If we know we’re headed down this path, the next Theodore Gordon may be the fellow that grows a boutique fish purely for the sporting crowd. Throw a little bluegill genes into some Bluefin tuna, and squeeze the result into something colorful, yielding the Gangsta Trout.

Able to swim at a reel screaming 40MPH, can sheer a seven weight in a single jump, and feeds on Asian Carp, Zebra Mussels, and small children.

In light of what is about to occur, I see the Carp crowd having the last laugh, “sure, the water is tepid and the fish have Roman noses, but at least they don’t share any genetics with a Snickers Bar…”

Genetic salmon, Ocean Pout, Conger Eel, Heath Ledger, gangsta trout, asian carp, IGFA, bold new world, aquaculture, fish genetics, carp, fly fishing

The real truth has been revealed that anything in red is twice as seductive as other colors, and while fly fishing’s founding fathers insisted it was blood, they were really playing fast and loose with a fish’s emotions.

Simply wearing the color red or being bordered by the rosy hue makes a man more attractive and sexually desirable to women, according to a series of studies by researchers at the University of Rochester and other institutions. And women are unaware of this arousing effect.

Naturally the American Museum of Fly Fishing blames all them Victorian eurotrash for another in a long string of sports scandals, all the while convinced Theodore Gordon was both chaste and pure of heart. Anyone actually reading Gordo’s book on dry flies knows he was a cocksman, as every third etching has some fulsome yet anonymous babe draped on the bank.

For the collector it means any fly fishing book authored in the last century is liable to be fuel for a puritanical purge that should drive their value into orbit.

Along with this learned association between red and status, the authors point to the biological roots of human behavior. In non-human primates, like mandrills and gelada baboons, red is an indicator of male dominance and is expressed most intensely in alpha males. Females of these species mate more often with alpha males, who in turn provide protection and resources.

“When women see red it triggers something deep and probably biologically engrained,” explains Elliot. “We say in our culture that men act like animals in the sexual realm. It looks like women may be acting like animals as well in the same sort of way.”

- via Science Daily

… and it’s obvious there’s a few loose ends, as most women seeing red are possessed by something deep and primitive, but it’s usually thrown crockery and a couple of snapped fly rods that results.

The volume of fly fishing magazines whose cover is adorned by stern looking Marlboro-men wearing red shirts and dirty ball caps? About 87%, which translates into nearly 46% of the sales destined for beauty parlors and woman that aren’t angry yet …

females attracted to red, the lady in red, fly fishing, attractor flies, Theodore Gordon, cocksman, fly fishing humor, the color of blood

I stumbled across a New Zealand document outlining their strategy in combating the invasive threat – which includes foreign plants, insects and all the stuff we know about …

The volume of invasives carried unknowingly is enormous – but of particular interest is the items now being routinely confiscated from arriving tourists. Naturally there are the obvious targets like fruit and foodstuffs, but tents are in the high risk group and confiscated immediately.

Shoes have to be declared, and inspected – and may be cleaned on the premises by airport staff, or confiscated, some 80000 pairs were removed from passengers last year.

In 2006-2007, 116,700 seizures were made from 2% (103,000) of arriving air passengers and crew. Contaminated used equipment (e.g. footwear and tents) was the most commonly seized risk good (34%), followed by fruit fly host material (23%) and meat products (10%).

Pathogenic fungus spores, plant seeds, and all manner of biologics are found in debris trapped in the soles of standard footwear.

A study on footwear in Honolulu International Airport recovered 65 species of fungi from 17 shoes (Baker 1966). Pockets of clothing also have been shown to carry potential risk material including dried and fresh foliage, seeds and feathers (Chirnside et al. 2006). Used tents may not only harbour plant and animal debris but also live insects (Gadgil and Flint 1983).
Because tents are potentially going to be used in national parks or other indigenous forest areas, tents were categorised as ‘a major risk’, and carefully screened by
MAFBNZ border staff.

Researchers examined 157 pairs of soiled footwear carried in luggage and found that while the amount of soil and leaf litter adhering to the sole was relatively small, with a median
(range) weight of 1.0 g (0.01-55), this contamination supported a range of bacteria, fungi, seeds and nematodes (McNeill et al., unpublished data). Seeds were present on over 50% of footwear examined, and 73% of all seeds recovered were found to be viable. Nematodes, which are microscopic worms that include a large number of plant parasitic species, were present in 63% of the samples collected.

… and yes, anglers were caught transporting the nasty too.

… used fishing waders and socks have been implicated in the arrival of the invasive freshwater algae didymo (Didymosphenia geminate) from North America to New Zealand.

Assuming a goodly percentage of vacationers wore comfortable footwear due to the walking and gawking necessary to take in the sights, we can assume a significant percentage were rubber soled (soon to be banned on international flights) so we can expect to be replacing all those wading boots again …

Just kidding.

It neatly demonstrates how thin your margin for error is … and if you thought you wouldn’t have to quarantine your rubber soled wading boots, wouldn’t have to freeze them, or wouldn’t have to scrub them with disinfectants and dry them completely … you’re dead wrong.

… and while you’re at it dry those waders and socks too.

Didymo, New Zealand, Ministry of Agriculture and Forestry Biosecurity, nematodes, confiscation of tents, invasive species, anglers

It’s my goddamn tax dollars at work, so how much to add a barb?

I always knew dry fly fishermen would ruin the sport completely, not with the ascots and monocles, sipping liquor or shaded verandahs, merely their obsession with seeing the fish grab – and how much more fun that was …

Now that Nintendo and XBox will be elbowing Sage and aged bamboo out of the picture – and a visible fish can be impaled by flies regardless of depth, we’ll all decry the blood sports as “lame” and return to the sofa whence we came.

Fly tiers out of business, the sporting fraternity torn asunder, hundreds of years of tradition out the window, and who knew?

Swarm robotics, the ability to manufacture nano-insects that respond to nimble joystick-trained fingers dancing across an iPhone, and the Army will be buying millions of them.

In the long term, the U.S. Army certainly sees miniature “bug” UAVs as a big part of its battlefield operations. According to a recently released roadmap, clouds of them would be used to survey buildings and various sites before soldiers enter them.

- via Federal Computer Week

- via US Army Unmanned Aircraft Systems Roadmap 2010-2035

Sure there’ll be old surplus units. We’ll be able to buy a couple of hatches worth and felt pen them to look like Pale Morning Duns … It’ll be part of a package offered at destination hotels, “two nights stay plus fishing” (on some private reserve managed by PETA) where “duffers” can remember how it used to be, while irritating children impatiently wait on Grandpa and his needs.

It’s certain that someone on the Joint Chief’s is a purist – what with trout shaped dirigibles and attack Mayflies, in light of the carnage about to ensue, I just wish he’d foreswear the joints for a couple moments of clarity …

You and I won’t have much to worry about as we’ll be incarcerated along with the rest of the “Catskill 700” … we’ll hear jackboots grinding on gravel just prior to the SEAL team emerging from our riffle – our vest painted with lasers before we’re dropped to the earth, all the while protesting innocence while some kid renders sentence:

“Yessir, he’s got a pocketful of black AR-97A’s, and a fistful of subsurface agents in his vest – looks like cheap Chinese produced knockoffs, probably carrying a biologic payload …”

“Huh?, those are Black Gnat’s, I got them a … (solar plexus blow with gun butt) … huff .. huff .. wheeze.”

Small finger skills qualifies me to assemble the SOB’s which is a plum assignment compared to the sweltering heat of the prison laundry – where all that hard work scrubbing invasives will pay off for the rest of you … for the State.

Tags: Nano robots, swarm robotics, fly fishing humor, fly tier, fly tying contraband, dry fly purist, less joint more chiefs, SEAL team, nano-insects, attack mayfly

Breathable waders will be jettisoned in favor of the new “mummified” look – a return to leggings and the garb of yesteryear.

Why? Because you’ll have the scent of a million smashed caddis tucked in the glove box – and at the first hint of dampness, you’ll skip gleefully back to the car to swathe yourself in “Sedge” tape, which you’ve been buying at Costco by the gross.

“I picture it as sort of a wet Band-Aid, maybe used internally in surgery, like using a piece of tape to close an incision as opposed to sutures,” said Stewart, an associate professor of bioengineering, in a news statement. “Gluing things together underwater is not easy. Have you ever tried to put a Band-Aid on in the shower? This insect has been doing this for 150 million to 200 million years.”

-via the Salt Lake Tribune

Our pal the Caddis has been spinning a hot commodity all these years, and is liable to put a dent in sales of duct tape.

Plumbers will have to hew through Gordian knots of Sedge tape enroute to leaking faucets and cracked toilets, as decades of plumbing “honey-do’s” were neutralized by petulant husbands and their ever expanding application of Brachycentrus.

…and it may solve the invasive issue completely. We can jettison those slippery rubber soles in favor of “Spider-man” brogues; able to walk straight up a damp boulder or waterfall – and anything living that hitches a ride can’t get off, so “clean, dry, inspect” becomes “inspect, laugh, use putty knife.”

Tags: brachycentrus, caddis silk, underwater adhesive, wading boots, puttees, Gordian knot, spider man, breathable waders

For fishermen all we need know is the next generation of mosquito repellants will be cruel and unusual – which is an appropriate punishment for something that has nothing to do at dusk then cause us grief – or keeps us awake all night as it hovers near the choice flesh at your ear.

Like all finely tuned aircraft there’s a max payload – although us donors never see it that way, and upsetting the delicate aerodynamic balance renders the mosquito easy to swat – or especially vulnerable to predators.

Scientists have concluded the best way to intercept our irritating friend is to prevent them from urinating, which is part of the feeding process at the pump.

… yet another indignity we’ve been suffering these many decades.

“they have to undergo rapid urination when feeding, or they can’t fly away”

- via Cornell Chronicle Online

Which is the vague leaden lining of the research. To my untrained ear it  still sounds like something’s biting someone to get the payload delivered.

Tags: Mosquito research, next generation of insect repellants, blood sucking

… which is a bit misleading, it’s actually an Intuitive Surgical robot showing off what it can do. ISRG has been the darling of Wall Street for a number of years, considered best of breed for computer controlled robotic surgery.

- via The Daily Flypaper Blog

While the possibilities are endless, I wouldn’t expect the cost of routine surgeries to suddenly become cheap, perhaps scheduling them may involve menus and a drive thru, but operating amphitheaters remain in short supply. Us humans have shown remarkable resistance to technology especially if it’s holding a sharp knife – akin to the revulsion we felt in handing over our credit card information in the early days of the Internet.

1.3 million is about the same as pre- and post-Med tuition, excluding cadavers and books.

Naturally, watching the video had me wondering – as the work is intricate to be sure, but we’ve always insisted those bubble-packed flies from Japan were machine made, and if machinery intricate enough to create them is of recent invention – what made all those flies during the 50’s and 60’s?

Therein lies the mystery as I can find nothing other than a patent application for 1943. History buffs will recognize that it couldn’t have been used by the Japanese until 1946, but may have played an important role in reconstructing Japanese industry.

Is it possible we’ve been misled all these years?

All those big ring-eyed hooks, buttonhole twist cotton thread and a Scarlet Ibis gleaming at us from the capable hands of a human? Makes you wonder what he thought our fish were thinking.

Anyone know what these rumored machines looked like or have an account of automated post war fly machinery?

Tags: Intuitive Surgical, ISRG, fly tying machine, machine tied fly, myth, patent application, Royal Coachman, Wall Street darling, youtube

… and up till now it’s been a source of interest, as my California streams provided the brood stock for half the globe.

Then I stumbled on a couple of recent papers where scientists were attempting to answer this century’s question, “when millions of farmed fish escape, where do they go?” (PDF)

My rationale could’ve been Science, but in all honesty it was pure greed. If I knew which creek 100,000 artificially fattened 8 lb salmon were housed, and knowing that a half empty beer can would be struck and often, I’d abandon family and work responsibilities instantly.

While the small sample cited cannot be conclusive, it suggests if you’re a bit timid about crossing “fat” genes with “big” – you might want to grab the brood stock from another continent.

The researchers tagged and experimentally released 678 farmed fish in Scotland and 597 farmed fish in Norway. Only a small percentage of the fish were recovered by fishermen and reported to the researchers (.6% of the Scottish fish and 7% of the Norwegian fish).

However, the Scottish fish that were caught had travelled very far – up to 1600 kilometers from the release site – and all dispersed to the east towards Scandinavia. Meanwhile, the Norwegian farmed salmon released were  mostly recaptured by fishermen in local waters – 27 in freshwater and 15 in sea – within 150 kilometers of the release site.

One especially interesting hypothesis to explain the easterly bias towards Scandinavia in all fish recaptured including those from Scotland, the authors speculate that this may be due to the dominance of Norwegian broodstock in the existing strains of European aquaculture.

It’s akin to the perfect crime. As your aquaculture endeavor is still new – and while you work out the kinks, the anglers a continent away are catching two-headed Salmon in Lemon Yellow and Orange Orange.

Throw some camouflage tarp over your torn nets and shrug shoulder, “it wasn’t me.”

… no doubt some fellow in Langley, Virginia has read the same treatise and is designing a predator drone that’s shaped like a Salmon, so he can deliver a lethal payload to some poor Afghani who pauses for a cold drink.

Tags: predator drone, escaped salmon, aquaculture, rainbow trout, invasive species, Norwegian broodstock, Atlantic salmon, perfect crime

UK and Chinese scientists are suggesting that the Confuciusornis fossil discovered in China, may have been a dinosaur with a Mohawk of ginger colored feathers running down its spine.

… as this is the first evidence of a feathered animal small enough for Man to run around and beat to death, it’s thought the ginger hackles may have been used to craft fishing lures and flies.

As early Man wasn’t able to trod the river with impunity – everything in and out of the water being two or three times his size, possessing foot long teeth, and faster; these early “flies” may have been part of a rod-snare mechanism versus the “park ass on a rock and wait for the rod tip to move” style of angling practiced today.

Wood fragments found in a nearby cave suggest a tapered tree branch with both ends sharpened. This would allow the snare to be cast into the water, the rod stobbed into the mud nearby, with our prehistoric angler zig-zagging frantically – avoiding ravenous meat eaters while his prehistoric angling buddies shouted encouragement from the safety of a nearby cave.

… damn little has changed.

As our lust for science is well documented, I was asked to view the scraps of sinew and fossilized angling debris to assist in shedding light on these rare artifacts…

… and while puzzled by the “saber-toothed” imitation,  scientists reassured me that prehistoric Mayflies ate people with great gusto – and the rendition was anatomically correct.

DNA testing proves the fur used was one of the many predatory cats that roamed the area, perhaps a lucky kill considering the flint spear points and unsophisticated hunting gear consistent with that era.

I called it a “Ginger Cat’s Kill” – due to the indiscriminant use of Confuciusornis hackle – and mentioned that the faint scratches surrounding the fossil had meaning…

Naturally we’ll have to rewrite a few passages involving the Etruscans and Rome … Dame Juliana Berners is safe – but damn little else will be.

Tags:  Confuciusornis, ginger hackled dinosaur, Cat’s Kill dry, fly fishing history, dame juliana berners, fossilized feathers, fishing snare, DNA testing, Whiting farms

Most of us anglers are

Like the dinosaur – scientists assumed that the biggest were at the top of the food chain and everything smaller ran in fear … until they found a Tyrannosaurus Rex and figured a mid-sized predator with a mean streak may be worse than all those enormous herbivores.

So it is with invertebrates, the Giant Stoneflies of our fast water are benevolent – and the mid-size Golden Stone is the T-Rex of the substrate, driving mayflies to flee in terror as it snacks its way through the elderly and infirm …

… and the Pale Morning Dun is either slow as molasses – or tastier than the rest, as more of them were eaten than any other invertebrate.

Which is oddly consistent with my past haunts. All the rivers famous for PMD hatches like Fall River and Hat Creek were absent significant fast water – and where it existed we’d walk past in favor of a slower stretch downstream.

Naturally I’m using the most rudimentary sampling, the widely recognized “fast water = heavily oxygenated = stoneflies” theory of angling. Which gives us something to ponder. Do we mash stoneflies knowing were saving countless smaller bugs – or do we stay out of the fight?

I’d characterize myself as an indiscriminate masher, as once your wading shoes break the Size 12 or 13 barrier – even the Stoneflies flee screaming.

Interesting to note the document suggests that mayflies can distinguish between the Acroneuria (T-Rex) and Pteronarcys (benevolent Giant Fatty Stonefly), and flee from one yet not from the other.

… and the real question becomes, “ was it the current that caused your feet to slip, or was it a million Infrequens with ropes and pullies – getting you to mash invading stoneflies?”

… the little bastards could well be sentient …

Tags: Ephemerella Infrequens, Acroneuria, Pteronarcys, stonefly, mayfly, cobble warfare, tyrannosaurus rex, dinosaurs, fly fishing humor, Hat Creek, Fall River, wading shoes