Wherein we salute all patriots still abed, and commiserate that the empty beer cans and explosive debris on your lawn simply will not wait for your head to clear, or the throbbing temples to subside: Us clean-living types braved the cordite and pre-dawn roadside IED’s to get blanked, but the colors are remarkably similar … [...]

I’m feeling particularly turgid at the prospect of a spending the weekend with you, yet you remain swollen and bloated, claiming you’re retaining water and in no mood for a frolic. In my feverish condition I’m past considering your feelings, so I looked up other flames and they’re in similar shape, singing the same sorrowful [...]

The snarling black lab with the faded red kerchief reminds me it’s his garbage can – and despite my wish to pass, he’s unwilling to share either contents or the path. Fishing of late has become a series of indignities; rain when there shouldn’t be any, sun when there shouldn’t be any, and mean arsed [...]

You can’t fault them as it’s worked well for the environmentally conscious types. Stop the creek with a well placed cork, extinct everything but ATV hellions and gravity donations from the housing dispossessed – and when no one’s looking – slap up new signs to keep out the dog walkers and environmentalists. Are they worried [...]

It was many things, slippery mud, icy water, and blustering breeze, with the occasional dog walker giving me a wide berth. They were as uncomfortable as I was, me out of shape and unkempt – wearing too much olive drab to suit them – and me hoping they wouldn’t ask what luck I’d had, as [...]

This was the weekend where my newly placid and emerald alma mater was to be violated cruelly by my large feet. Flows were perfect, the sun was out – and a balmy 67° predicted. Friday night was the prenup. Rods inspected, reels freshly oiled, boots sterile from chemical bathes and three months of enforced idle, [...]

With the promise of but a single day of sunshine between storms and with most of next season’s flies already completed, I had a fast closing window of opportunity, and took it. Some prefer soaking in pricey venues with mud bathes and mineral springs, instead I uncrated all of my wading finery to launder – [...]

Sure I’m bitter and resentful but as a lay scientist I thought I’d find out first hand which is higher in my esteem, cheap produce or inedible fish. If we measure just the carbon footprint, fish win. But as half of the populace disagrees with it being an issue, and despite my frantic attempts at [...]

I managed to eke one last trip out of the old waders – and with one set on backorder, I was just lucky I opted for the “chemical resistant” flavor on the second pair. No camouflage this time, just the ninja-esque black boots famous for cleaning overflowing toilets and oil spills. Now I just need [...]

I was acting on a tip. A friend of a friend had heard I was chasing inferior mouths in grimy drainage ditches and had marked a large “X” denoting an unknown ditch overflowing with fish. I always take these with a grain of salt, as folks that use regular tackle can fish a much greater [...]