Be the Carp, Feel the Carp – as you extinct resident species, consume all available benthic chow, then knock boat anglers senseless …

… then you take a turn as the federal Carp Czar, where you keep public opinion on your side in between emptying tanker trucks of Rotenone into swimming areas filled with small children, frying water-skiers with electric fences, and all the while placating both tourist and fishing industries.

I had to mop sweat more than a few times, but Billy Joe Bob triumphed in the end.

There’s nothing better than Science

“This is the first study to establish a direct relationship between fish consumption, brain structure and Alzheimer’s risk," said Cyrus Raji, M.D., Ph.D., from the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center and the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine. "The results showed that people who consumed baked or broiled fish at least one time per week had better preservation of gray matter volume on MRI in brain areas at risk for Alzheimer’s disease."

- via Medicalxpress.com

… giving both us and society one more reason not to limit our kill and farm our limit, and at the same instant neatly explaining why fishermen can’t abide the taste of their quarry, why we’re all destined to have our backsides wiped for us by some truculent male-nurse named “Bruno” …

While embracing Science with both feet, Fly Fishermen have never considered “smartness” of much value, preferring hands unsoiled by bait and pants legs clean of evidence – proof of their pedigree and breeding, never relying on mundane tests like ink blots and Mensa membership.

Guys that stand in cold water are “sturdy”, men that hike miles upstream for small wild fish are “antisocial”. In hindsight, “smart” is the guy that turned us down or had to mow lawn – and while we called him “limpdix” or “wimp” on the way up the hill, on the way back he had bested us morally and physically.

Before you rip into that double Mercury with Cheese, I should point out the asterisks that ensure all the fish death caused by science will be both wasted and pointless …

Eating fried fish, on the other hand, was not shown to increase brain volume or protect against cognitive decline.

Meaning anything made from fish that tastes really stunning or like McDonald’s cardboard will not help you at all, and depending on the source of your new found protein – the chances of you dying of Mercury poisoning or ingesting a tampon are almost certain.

It seems humans and their reared salmon have finally managed to bridge the wide gulf between wild stocks and their pen raised cousins, by introducing a hatchery caused disease into the wild ..

.. Salmon Anemia, no known cure, and a yen to trod upon whatever we don’t gill net …

The virus that causes the disease originated in the mid- 1980s in Atlantic salmon fish farms in Norway and spread to Scotland, Canada and the U.S. Farms in Chile also were infected, probably via imported eggs.

- via Bloomberg

This time it’s Mother Nature’s turn to gasp, as our disease affects both Pacific and Atlantic salmon, and therefore is the perfect, and final solution to the “salmon menace.”

Finally, some fish farms, particularly in British Columbia, should be relocated away from the migratory corridors of wild fish, so that any anemia outbreak that might occur there would be less likely to spread.

… and while they’re pointing fingers and debating across international borders, the lesson to be learned was already known to us fish chasers, “scrub your boots and don’t crap where you eat.”

For the first time scientists have discovered that migrating salmon can detect mammalian predators by the scent of already digested salmon in wastewater, which allows the migrating fish to determine whether its safe to move upstream.

"It’s the predator’s diet – not just its own smell – that’s alerting the salmon," explains Dr. Laura Roberts from the University of Swansea, co-author of the report published in Animal Behavior.

Otters are common predators of salmon so it’s clearly useful to the fish to be able to sniff them out.

The smell acts as an early-warning system for the fish, even when they can’t see the predator. It lets them work out the potential risk of being eaten and balance predator avoidance with other vital activities like foraging and reproducing.

… and test dives performed just outside the mouths of historic salmon rivers have found all the missing salmon milling about waiting for someone else to chance the first dash upstream.

Females eventually give up and release their roe in one girdle busting spasm – and then they all rush back to the safety of the open ocean. Wastewater treatment hasn’t been able to remove the scent of the fillet you ate yesterday, and everytime you flush you’ve reinforced the notion that upstream is instant death.

Again it’s your fault … if you’d been man enough to walk back to the porta-potty – instead of using a nearby bush, them fish would’ve bowled you over with sheer numbers.

When exposed to increased carbon dioxide, precipitation, nitrogen and temperature, all expected results of climate change, yellow star thistle in some cases grew to six times its normal size while the other grassland species remained relatively unchanged, according to a Purdue University study …

Nice.

Yellow star thistle enjoying two qualities among fishermen that make it the most cursed plant in Mother Nature’s repertoire. The growth is tough and nearly impossible to sever, and the star shaped growth of thorns leaves no possible way to remove an errant fly without being completely butchered by its thorns.

In the western watersheds I frequent, star thistle grows easily to four feet, is almost always growing right up to water’s edge, and after retrieving two or three low casts manually – you start snapping the flies off versus going back to donate more blood  …

Yellow Star Thistle growing to a menacing height of 18 to 24 feet? It’ll require a machete as part of your wading ensemble, and breathable waders – regardless of layers - will not protect you one iota.

I remember the elevated

Now, I find myself in a similar precarious position, how commerce between us and the rest of the world doesn’t seem aquatically balanced, especially so with invasive species.

Them nice fellows in Scotland are pissed senseless and on a war of extinction with the American Mink, how it’s eating cats and dogs, pillaging defenseless salmon, and scarfing all their water voles …

Heaven forbid we should lose a poodle or three …

Meanwhile the rest of Europe is declaring Jihad against the American Signal Crayfish, which any sportsman knows is %$#@ freshwater lobster – requiring nothing more than kite string and a rancid chicken liver to catch all .. you .. can .. eat.

Now that all them Scottish dames has scored a coat our vermin are no longer good enough. Ditto for crayfish now that all them rich sauces have laid both French & Danes low … that red wine immunity overcome by bushels of Mud Bugs and all the butter they swizzled while sucking them down.

Meanwhile we’re dancing around Rock Snot, Rock Vomit, and the leftover ichor from forty years of  horror movies as unwanted guests.

You can’t eat them, nor can you wear them, so where’s the equity in this trade? I’d suggest that while we had the best interests of our eurotrash cousins at heart, they haven’t repaid the favor – at least not in like coin.

… perhaps some invasive Dutch Chocolate, or at least a scone or two.

Overall, 27 percent of the miles of stream in the lower 48 states are at high or very high risk of current habitat degradation and 44 percent are at low or very low risk.  Twenty-nine percent of stream miles in the lower 48 states are at moderate risk of current habitat degradation.

It’s the usual suspects that are causal agents, most being activities of us humans, and the harsh chemicals that run off our land when it’s turned to industrial uses.

That harsh red band splitting California is where I live and fish, suggesting at least one stalwart crept to the edge of the bridge and tossed some vial into the murky brown below.

The report is very light on science and a suitable read for the average angler, if you’re interested in a map of your state and a brief mention of projects and issues, take a look at the 72 page PDF.

Recent simulations of the effluent plume from a large fish farm suggest the chemicals, fish feces, and uneaten food aren’t dispersing as originally thought, and their taint can follow the coast for some distance.

Sea Lice, and issues with flabby gray flesh, escaped domestic stock, the genetic permutations of triploids and semi-sterile have received quite a bit of press. What’s recently come to light is all that fish pooty in the water is much more concentrated,  doesn’t dissolve very well, and as a result your kids will be drinking it, frolicking in it, and coating themselves and everything else by swimming in it.

While most of the fish yuck is drifting offshore, the dye model presented above suggests the stream of effluvia given off by farming operations will be a complex issue as the industry matures and farm densities increase to replace collapsed wild fish stocks.

Even more of an issue when drinking water sources are used to grow vanished freshwater species.

Let the name of Moses be stricken from every book and tablet, stricken from all pylons and obelisks, stricken from every monument of Egypt. Let the name of Moses be unheard and unspoken, erased from the memory of men.

Now what are you going to do? Erase all those stamps will be a bother, but the currency is near worthless which should prove to be a relief for the treasury.

With 200 years of symbology invested, removing the eagle would be nigh impossible. We’ll have little choice but to rethink most of our invasive policies, and recognize that as humans speed up and the crust warms, we’re witnessing Darwinism and evolution, and nothing more.

P.S. Listen to the National Public Radio piece closely …

Recent salmon studies suggest “you are what shades your banks” – and if the surrounding forest isn’t healthy, neither is your fish population.

More insidious than Zebra mussels, more cunning than a middle aged divorcee, and while we gash ourselves over saving the outdoors by eschewing filthy felt wading boots and their porous inserts, our woodlands are being overrun by eyeless and slimy creatures that fly fishermen are sworn to defend …

… the lowly earthworm, and we’re all guilty as sin.

Clean, Dry, and Protect all you want, but it was you that drug them little Styrofoam canisters up to the bank and left them there to reproduce unchecked.

Once you learned to fly fish you got all huffy and resentful at the thought and claimed your hands had never touched the Unclean Thing, but the rest of us are claiming ignorance and we know better. First you unleashed hordes of the Big Assed American Nightcrawler, then after despoiling most of the American West, you trained your kids with them effete Eurotrash skinny types from the liquor store cooler.

… we ain’t going to mention the mountains of Powerbait you left in your wake, that would only be piling on …

Penance is possible only if you wad the butt section of your Boron BIIX into the leafy substrate and affix both leads from your car battery. Stomp everything that moves, then Clean, Dry and lament …