Category Archives: current events

Singlebarbed dabbles in Real Science to Prove Men are Gross!

doughnutsI can handle rejection but not if it’s a Chocolate Old Fashioned doing the rejecting. When you get to my age, you begin the downward spiral, taking something to get something up, taking something else to lower something, it’s like Hollywood drug therapy only worse.

Today’s health news suggests you guys are simply perverts. Little wonder that our distinguished representatives in congress are soliciting votes in airport wash rooms.

“Among all the odors tested, the combination of pumpkin pie and lavender produced the greatest increase in arousal…The next most arousing odors were a mix of cinnamon buns, doughnuts and licorice; pumpkin pie and doughnuts; orange; and lavender and doughnuts. Other stimulating aromas were buttered popcorn and cheese pizza.”

Doughnuts? I can try to spin this into a angling thing, how doughnuts are associated with early morning drives – and how the anticipation of fishing success is actually the reason you may sport wood.

Nope, I don’t buy that. So if doughnuts are so compelling, why aren’t all guys cops?

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Pink can be masculine as hell

This is like a tennis bracelet for a big trout…especially when it results in you landing something of uncommon girth.

Research shows that girls actually prefer pink, it’s genetic – not some cutesy thing that Barbie taught them.

We find very clear differences between the males and females we have tested,” Hurlbert said. “We haven’t yet found any exceptions.”

Scientists always copper their bets, and trying to get one to say “no exceptions” is a singularity, worthy of taking note.

Time to bend science to my will – the only thing better than catching a lot of fish, is catching one or more big fish. If females like pinkish colors, and many of the largest fish are females, than pink flys are a perfect canary diamond to a large female trout.

Shad come to mind immediately, as all of the big shad are females, the same is true for rainbow trout, many other salmonids, channel cats, and tilapia. You stopped giggling yet?

Remember the venerable Tups Indispensable? Yep, that was the one fly you thought about as your hand hovered over that spool of pink floss. You didn’t buy it, now it’s time to kick yourself repeatedly.

The scientific term for difference in size and anatomy is “sexual dimorphism” – it’s what your wife has that allows her to outwit you at every turn.

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Close but still not fair

I can spot a poacher a mile awayI got my morning paper and a cup of coffee, I ‘m settling in to start my week and this little gem is on the front page:

“As hunting and fishing licenses decline, wildlife officials are seeking to collect maintenance funds from ‘non-consumptive’ visitors”

California’s fish and game department is funded largely by license revenue, which has been on the decline for some years (as reported by TC), so the department is looking to charge birdwatchers, kayakers, and anything else usage fees.

Naturally I assume it to be a fee for state parks and beaches, as the Great Outdoors is as porous a fence as the US border. A wonderful first step in getting funds for game wardens, but I think they could have gone one better.

Us fishermen, and hunters also, have gear restrictions – I want the same thing for birdwatchers…

“Ma’am, it’s single optic, strapless only – don’t tell me you didn’t read the signs!”

“But…”

“Sorry, Ma’am – that’s a $250 fine, and you’ll have to remove the strap on that camera.”

If I have to submit to a cavity search, shouldn’t they? We’re all enjoying the woods, it should be more equitable.

“Sir, I watched you photograph that Heron nine times, you realize it’s three per day, six in possession? I’ll have to take that film…”

Now that’s fair.

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Wall Street false cast

Greed is GoodWatching the panic on Wall Street is always fun, after you get over the fact you’re working 6 more years because your 401K is toast. In the back of my mind is that little demon that wonders how many points the Market will go down before the first broker climbs out a window…

They call them “Talking Heads” – these are the sharply dressed folks that are painted on the financial channel, urging alternately, calm, and “back up the truck – it’s buying time..”

This is the same gang that is scared to say the S E L L word in public, for fear someone would actually do just that.

I have half an ear cocked to the financial mumbo-jumbo as I am cooking dinner, when I hear one of these grease peddlers expound on how the Tech stocks are going to save us all.

Hell no, Tech has had its chance, I say Fishing stocks is the best play.

Buy low, sell high, right? Fishing stocks have dwindled by 90% over the last couple of decades, so they have to be at bottom. The fact that there aren’t any angling stocks means if we find something close, we have a monopoly too.

“Blue Horseshoe loves BGFV and CAB…”

What was the line Gordon Gecko used, “..Rich enough not to mend line?”

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4 Million for 3 days

Crap, I forgot my waders!Blessed Mother of Compound Interest, don’t fail me now…  Five short years from now the Space Hilton opens, and you’ll want to be part of the festivities.

Think of it, the total domination of your fishing peer group, who are frantically stuffing their 401K on the hopes they might be able to retire, while you – the overconsumer, are planning the pinultimate fishing experience.

It starts with the “Hi Mom” pantomime, broadcast worldwide compliments of a Mission Control telephoto lens, followed quickly by the detonation of 1,900,000 pounds of liquid hydrogen and oxygen – propelling you into angling legend.

I don’t know what you’re gonna catch, I don’t know what they’ll be eating, but Stephen King likely knows (or can describe) who’ll be your guide. Consider tipping large, as you don’t want to piss off a Wookie.

No more double haul – shoot the fly line and 500 yards of backing with a simple flip of the wrist.  Dropped your fly box? No worries, it’ll make a crater in your backyard as soon as the orbit decays. No boundaries to Space, no daily bag limits either. You can kill indiscrimantly, as it will take the UN decades to determine which warden has jurisdiction.

After Oprah and Good Morning America have their way with you, National Enquirer and Star will make you a hot property,  when that crowd loses interest, you have a lifetime of income from angling shows, and fly fishing clubs. This trip pays for itself.

No finger lick

The Colonel ain't the trouble this timeIn reading the recent developments about Lead contaminated toys, it struck me that I may want to abandon all weighted nymph use and become a dry fly purist.

Fly tyers use lead fuse wire to weight all underwater flies. Lead wire acted as the metal filament seen in today’s fuses, burning through at the appropriate amperage and killing the circuit. Dropped from commercial use long ago, but still remains the preferred choice to sink a small hook.

Lead is absorbed most readily through airborne dust and ingestion. It can also be absorbed through the skin when mixed with sweat. While tyers handle lead a short time during fly construction, tying a lot of flies prolongs the exposure.

The best information I can decipher, is that you want to wash your hands. Slightly more sinister is the finding that “oxidized lead” – lead that has discolored via contact with the air, is absorbed at a much higher rate.

In short, if you handle lead, it’s on your fingers, if you smoke while handling lead, its in your mouth as well. If you have old spools of oxidized lead in your tying bench, those pose more risk than newer spools of clean metallic lead.

As a defensive practice, and if concerned, I would suggest that you lead all of your hooks in a quick session, wash your hands, then complete the flies. In this fashion you are not replenishing the lead on your fingers with each new fly.

Now that all us tyers have no hope of reproduction, current research also suggests that consumption of iron, zinc, and calcium, assists the body in getting the lead out.

Nice to know that SingleBarbed was all over the vitamin issue in a prior post, cutting edge medicine free for the asking.

Revenge of Bottled Water

aquafina.jpgI see where the Bottle Water Industry has finally regrouped and is launching a PR offensive destined to reshape it’s tarnished image. If you haven’t kept abreast of the issue; the revelation that vendors are selling purified tap water, are exempt from having to label it as such, coupled with the mayor of San Francisco tired of picking empty Avian bottles off his lawn, has the industry on the defensive of late.

I think there is a better approach than, ” Water is good, and better than soda pop.” 

They missed the entire Green effort, they could have said, “With the advent of global warming, and with declining water quality, Nestle suggests buying a six pack and emptying it into your favorite trout stream. Help the fishes, because Nestle cares.”

They missed the Iraqi freedom angle completely, martial music accompanied by Star n’ Stripes – featuring an orphaned waif drinking out of a shell hole – suddenly confronted with his first taste of freedom and democracy, compliments of PepsiCo.

“We’re better’n pop” puts them head to head with the big kid on the block, Budweiser.  All Bud has to do is have a couple of Clydesdale’s lap up some Aquafina, with a blond in the foreground exclaiming, “Water’s for horses, but beer is for men” and they’re cooked.

The Politically Right Stuff

rightstuff.jpgThis has nothing to do about fishing, but with all the furor about astronauts and alcohol, whatever happened to the “Right Stuff?” You’ve either seen the movie or read the book – replete with hard drinking, slow talking fighter pilots nursing either a hangover or a cold one…

Gus Grissom may not have pooched it but he made them mortal, and if anyone was to strap 6,000,000 pounds of thrust to my rear end, I might need a stiff one before liftoff, maybe more.

I can hear Chuck Yeager now, “Hell, son… I used to pour a fifth of Jack Daniels into my diaper, them fellows never caught on..”