I’ll be sprawled amidst all that oak and cow leather sending another smoke ring towards the ceiling fan, while the earnest young chap insists he’s onboard … he’s got the full weight of his sprawling legal enterprise behind my corpulent frame …

… then I’ll stob the cigar out on his forearm, and if he flinches slightly I’ll be looking for another legal team to defend my use of barbless hooks, light tippets, and small flies.

Fly fishing will be part rodeo spectacle and part courtroom drama. We’ll have stern accusations, wooden faced judges, and be paraded through the docket in an orange jumpsuit, but there won’t be any victims.

… no maimed witness to demonstrate our instream excesses, no grieving relatives to narrate the hideous deed, and only the warden and his ever present stopwatch between us and freedom…

Last month, Antoine Goetschel went to court here in defense of an unusual client: a 22-pound pike that had fought a fisherman for 10 minutes before surrendering.

- via The Wall Street Journal

… because dead fish tell no tales.

It’ll undo the last couple of decades of conservation ethic, and angling organizations will have full color brochures on how best to off your quarry with dignity – we’ll finally listen to doctors and be surprised how good fish taste …

Largely because our neighbors are no longer interested in being an accomplice to our crime.

“0X is the new 8x” – the Boomers will claim, and we’ll be launching curious or dim witted six inch smolts into orbit – compliments of long rods and hawser cable tippet.

… and when that nearly imperceptible take occurs, and the warden steps out of the underbrush holding the incriminating stopwatch, we won’t be worried about the niceties much, it’ll be hand over hand – dog the fins down with piggin strings, yank the gills and lower jaw hook out and yell “Time.”

The case revolved around the idea that the pike suffered excessively because of how long it took for the angler to reel it in. Mr. Goetschel lost the case last month, but is considering an appeal.

The IGFA will pull a “Tiger Woods”, confessing their Director of the 2lb tippet class always seemed a bit twitchy – but he’ll wash up somewhere, likely with his commodore hat still set at a rakish angle.

Barbless hooks will disappear along with the barbaric regulations that promoted unnecessary suffering, along with dry flies – when chicken feathers prove unable to float that meaty treble.

… and you’ll be demonstrating fly tying technique and hook removal to both Fish & Game and your insurance agent, as there’s no chance you’ll be licensed without being bonded.

It’s a bold new litigious world your kids will inherit.

Tags: animal lawyer, animal rights, Pike, Antoine Goetschel, fly fishing the Bloodsport, animal cruelty, Tiger Woods, IGFA, dry flies, Tiger Woods, heavy tippet

Now that the California Chinook is a couple seasons away from being a genome hidden in a long bank of drawers buried in Cheyenne Mountain, legislators want to adopt the poor downtrodden anadromous “bag lady” and restore her to prominence.

The Chinook salmon, largest of the Pacific salmons and once in abundance in the Central Valley where they spawn in the rivers and creeks, would become California’s official state anadromous fish under a bill authored by Assemblyman Jared Huffman, D-San Rafael.

But the bill would do more.

It establishes a state goal to restore Chinook salmon to sustainable levels within a decade. The population of the fish has declined dramatically in recent years to the point where some feel it is headed toward extinction.

Or perhaps they just want to pull on Senator Feinstein’s whiskers by adopting the Chinook salmon as the official California anadromous fish. Rebellion against her proposed legislation extends throughout her constituency, with 15 Democratic legislators signing a letter asking her to cease and desist on the planned water grab.

It’s likely the noble Chinook will require modification of the state flag – our repository for the noblest of California wildlife long extinct.

Since the California poppy is California’s official state flower, it is protected by state law prohibiting persons from picking or destroying it.

The state affords some small protections for harvesting official wildlife, perhaps some canny legislator recognizes he can undermine the farm lobby by conferring an official title.

This bill would require the restoration of the Chinook to historic norms – in addition to conferring the official designation, naturally it lacks all detail to achieve that lofty goal.

Tags: Chinook restoration, Official anadromous fish, Senator Dianne Feinstein, water wars, California Poppy, on the brink,

Somewhere between your groggily becoming aware of the festivities and the consumption of night before last’s leftovers, some poor fellow strode to the podium (looking uncomfortable) and accepted his destiny.

Acceptance speech wasn’t terribly memorable, but then jigging cheetah skinned  underwear as it attacks sorority girls isn’t terribly memorable either.

We naturally perk up anytime Hollywood intrudes into our rarified space, debating everything from casting doubles to fly pattern selection. No doubt you’ll complain that a six weight would’ve been more lifelike – but the sorority girls will ensure it’s queued on your Netflix.

Tags: Attack of the Killer Thong, Netflix, fishing, sorority girls, Oscars, the out-of-work angler

Most of the fly shops no longer have the full range of sizes and the popular sizes are being blown out via sale, added to eBay, or walking out the door due to their compelling price.

It’s not often you can get a two hundred dollar boot for fifty bucks.

Sierra Trading Post has some still available, but the best prices and selection are at the Platte River Fly shop, which is unloading Simms and Patagonia felt soled boots at compelling prices.

I grabbed a set of Patagonia Canyon Walkers and a set of Simms boots – and was out the door for $120.

Not knowing how much longer they’ll be available, I made like Imelda Marcos …

This will cover me until I’m no longer able to wade.  Two sets of cleated rubber for my local infested water, one set of boots for watersheds in the Sierras, and now two sets of “travel” boots that I can take with me should I fish more than a single stream.

Use an aggregator to search for the sizes you need, it’ll save a lot of time and phone traffic.

Tags: Simms wading boots, Patagonia Canyon Walker, felt soled boots, wading shoes, felt ban

While the blaring indictments no

Our interest has always been in Mark Madoff and his ownership of the Abel Automatics Inc., the maker of Abel reels.

Investigators and the trustee winding down Bernard L. Madoff Investment Securities LLC have previously said the activity took place in the firm’s investment arm, but the charges against Bonventre directly link the investment and proprietary trading operations.

          – via MSNBC.com

… the selfsame proprietary trading operation run by both Madoff sons.

Both brothers spent their careers working side by side for their father, an electronic-trading pioneer. Mark, 44 years old, and Andrew, 42, joined their father’s firm on the trading desk in the 1980s. Both rose through the ranks and by the 1990s ran Madoff’s trading desk together.

          – via the Wall Street Journal

While they’ve been mauled in the court of public opinion, this appears to be the first credible link between the Ponzi scheme and the legitimate trading operation.

It’ll be months before any concrete information results. In the meantime clutch those extra spools tightly.

Tags: Bernie Madoff, Mark Madoff, Abel Automatics Inc., fly reel, indictments

It started with some small

… while most of us fishermen assumed it was merely a ruse to reverse the initial judgment and favor longtime contributor Paramount Farms, it appears Ms. Feinstein has opted to speed the process and ignore whatever the review determines, in favor of adding more water for farmers via a rider on the proposed Federal Jobs Bill.

Even some fellow members of California’s U.S. congressional delegation were annoyed with Feinstein, saying she had agreed with them to wait for a report by the National Academy of Sciences, which provides advice on scientific issues to U.S. policymakers, before drawing up any water policy changes.

“We had a couple meetings on this, and at the last meeting she had indicated that we would base any policy decisions we make on the science,” U.S. Representative Mike Thompson told Reuters. “And this policy change certainly isn’t based on science.”

- via Reuters.com

Ms. Feinstein requires an increase of 30% over last year’s drought diminished quota – guaranteeing 40% of federal allotments (pre endangered species finding) for the thirsty breadbasket of Southern California.

The 2009 tallies show about a 50% decline from 2008, with each year’s return setting the new low for the run.

“Why are San Joaquin agricultural operators selling their water to southern California developers and then demanding more water from the Delta?” 

Nationally, products exclusively grown (99% or more) in California include almonds, artichokes, dates, figs, kiwifruit, olives, persimmons, pistachios, prunes, raisins, clovers, and walnuts.

As everyone hates dates, persimmons, and prunes, and clover is largely animal feed, we’ll simply have to weigh the outcome gastronomically … with fishermen barred from voting as they won’t eat anything other than fish stix – which are entirely man made.

Salmon versus a walnut Danish or bear claw slathered in Almond slivers ?

… wait, don’t answer that.

Tags: pastry, senator Feinstein, California water wars, Sacramento delta, paramount farms, NOAA science, Mike Thompson

Patronizing my local fly

While online shopping dominates the day to day replacements and flights of fancy, my stern rule is always drop a double sawbuck at the destination shops – the little guys – whose season lasts seven months if they’re lucky, and are a wealth of local fishing knowledge, things you forgot, and the repository of known feeding weaknesses of your quarry.

I may rethink that somewhat.

Most of us are already reluctant fliers, what with the cavity searches and grinning PSA storm troopers displaying all our underwear, illicit booze and the girlie mags we packed for the fishless hours …

… never sure whether we’ll see our rod caddy ever again.

Now we’ve taken out a ferry service, a shopping mall and most of a downtown city block just to blow up a fishing rod – it makes you wonder whether you’ll get a bill from the Gendarmes.

Saving seventy dollars in state tax seemed like a good idea when we finally dropped the cash for the high-end Sage, but now you’re three rows back in the throng of onlookers wondering whether you should claim the fragment of fore grip from the bomb squad.

Me, I’d hurry past the angry drivers in all those stalled cars, past the hundreds of mall employees bent shivering in their livery, wave good naturedly at the throng lining the rail of the good ship Commute – and the pale green spreading across ruddy cheeks as they wallow in diesel, and wait the prerequisite two weeks before angrily inquiring of the vendor what had become of my money …

“No, I never got the sumbitch … and sure I’ll take that faux leather set of dry fly drink coasters for my aggravation, that’s most sporting of you – but my address has changed, here’s the PO BOX …”

Tags: PSA storm trooper, bomb rod, girlie mags, fly fishing humor, local fly shop, online shopping

I call it an enforced

… which I find funny, as I are one …

Apparently most of the data was lost after last Friday, but as most of the posts were forgettable – it’s no great loss. I’ve restored what I can – but we’ve lost all comments and my mail is once again inoperable…

My apologies for the service interruption, but in all things there is a bright spot. TC has a great excuse to avoid shoveling snow, and I get a day or two off to lounge around – versus scrambling frantically trying to find something to amuse you.

Bear with us.

A Saturday scout in between rain showers. The Little Stinking, swollen and defiant… Bagged it in preference to assembling an artery hardening ensemble of deep fried, coagulated, and partially hydrogenated Superbowl chow.

It was the Czech’s against the Slovak’s at my place – and the first quarter featured Strawberry Yogurt Pretzels and  …

… Brachycentrus, which suddenly sprouted a hint of Claret to match – washed down with a fully leaded French Roast chaser.

The second quarter started briskly, and while Drew Brees clawed a couple of Indianapolis body parts out of his facemask, the Czech’s retaliated with …

… the Black Bean, Cilantro and Tomato nymph. I was a mess – hyped on sugar, caffeine, and with a methane potential of a herd of fattened bovines.

By the third quarter the Saint’s fans were getting raucous while the Indianapolis crowd grew silent. As the excitement grew I was noisily toasting each and every catch, run, and timeout. I’d sworn off the bean dip, yet it would haunt me throughout the day.

The spinach and black olive veggie loaf was the antidote – yet it added a certain hallucinogenic bent. Embellishments started to come unbidden to the latest Czech patterns – and the book was closed in favor of the Sunset Rhyacophila …

By the fourth quarter I was on the downward spiral while the Saint’s began their ascendancy. The down side being that the obscene mixture ingested allowed me to translate both Czech and Slovak – and I could read the giggles and catcalls from the tiers whose patterns I was attempting to reproduce.

… which was a warning sign it was time to hit the medicine cabinet, but not before finishing a dozen of the Pepcid-Maalox Olive Dun in size 14 …

I think I missed the Lombardi trophy, but I was past caring …

Tags: Czech nymphs, Olive Dun, Slovak fly tiers, Czech fly patterns, Brachycentrus, Rhyacophila, Super Bowl, California cuisine, Maalox, fly tying

… and up till now it’s been a source of interest, as my California streams provided the brood stock for half the globe.

Then I stumbled on a couple of recent papers where scientists were attempting to answer this century’s question, “when millions of farmed fish escape, where do they go?” (PDF)

My rationale could’ve been Science, but in all honesty it was pure greed. If I knew which creek 100,000 artificially fattened 8 lb salmon were housed, and knowing that a half empty beer can would be struck and often, I’d abandon family and work responsibilities instantly.

While the small sample cited cannot be conclusive, it suggests if you’re a bit timid about crossing “fat” genes with “big” – you might want to grab the brood stock from another continent.

The researchers tagged and experimentally released 678 farmed fish in Scotland and 597 farmed fish in Norway. Only a small percentage of the fish were recovered by fishermen and reported to the researchers (.6% of the Scottish fish and 7% of the Norwegian fish).

However, the Scottish fish that were caught had travelled very far – up to 1600 kilometers from the release site – and all dispersed to the east towards Scandinavia. Meanwhile, the Norwegian farmed salmon released were  mostly recaptured by fishermen in local waters – 27 in freshwater and 15 in sea – within 150 kilometers of the release site.

One especially interesting hypothesis to explain the easterly bias towards Scandinavia in all fish recaptured including those from Scotland, the authors speculate that this may be due to the dominance of Norwegian broodstock in the existing strains of European aquaculture.

It’s akin to the perfect crime. As your aquaculture endeavor is still new – and while you work out the kinks, the anglers a continent away are catching two-headed Salmon in Lemon Yellow and Orange Orange.

Throw some camouflage tarp over your torn nets and shrug shoulder, “it wasn’t me.”

… no doubt some fellow in Langley, Virginia has read the same treatise and is designing a predator drone that’s shaped like a Salmon, so he can deliver a lethal payload to some poor Afghani who pauses for a cold drink.

Tags: predator drone, escaped salmon, aquaculture, rainbow trout, invasive species, Norwegian broodstock, Atlantic salmon, perfect crime