If Trout were Zombies we wouldn’t have the issue

strippers_versus_zombies With everyone alternately bemoaning the lack of newcomers to the sport, and cursing those that do show up as movie fanbois, it’s a wonder what few social organizations remain continue to insist on out-of-the-box thinking in the hope we’ll lure kids away from Nintendo and into the arms of us antisocial fly fisherman …

Porn would make the task easier, but we aren’t allowed to lead the poor child that far down the Dark Path, given little brother will supply all his needs once he realizes he can charge for it.

I say we need to play to the youngsters nervous skills and unbridled urge to kill everything. We’ve watched countless screens of Zombies expertly dispatched by knives, sharp sticks, and phase-plasma rifles, why not mention that fish bleed and writhe in pain when stomped?

A leading English supermarket opted to give away nearly 12,000 pounds of less marketable fish to its customers in hopes of making them less reliant on troubled fisheries…

In the first week of the campaign six tones of sustainable fish was given away by the retailer, with trout forming the largest share of this at 22%, and British Trout Association members are already reporting an increase in demand for farmed rainbow trout fillets with a significant increase in sales recorded.

Is it possible that increased trout fillet sales may drive increased interest in the fish, possibly even stimulating the palate enough to buy a rod, reel, and a jug of salmon eggs?

Whereupon the poor SOB has now availed himself of our tender mercies, allowing us to point out the error of his ways, demand that he repent and spend thousands on real tackle, wade into the water he’s fishing – giving him both finger and stink eye if his lower lip so much as trembles, then suggest he should let them all go if he gets lucky?

Yes, we are often our own worst enemy, funny how we overlook that.

10 thoughts on “If Trout were Zombies we wouldn’t have the issue”

  1. Might I suggest getting rid of those stuffy names you insist on calling your flies. No one knows what an Adams is but every 10 year old can tell you what a Hot-Wet-Slut is for! Take off that smoking jacket and tie up some #14 Blunts!

  2. Wait a sec there,Archie….My grandson is 10 and I KNOW he can’t tell me about a Hot-Wet-Slut….Plants and Zombies,yes,but the other stuff…..not..yet…
    Besides,he ties a decent sparse hackle Purple Snipe #12 and everyone knows that Blunts have to be tied as streamers and as stuffed as a Kaufmann’s stone……

  3. I don’t really get where all this ‘bemoaning of a lack of newcomers to the sport’ is really coming from. Personally, I’m not the least bit worried about it. The sport is doing just fine, as long as you don’t buy into the tired capitalist maxim that if something isn’t growing, then it must be dying.

    You know what I do bemoan, and what I think is the single biggest turn-off to newcomers? Holier-than-thou oldtimers.

  4. I read this post three tiems and I’m still not sure the logic behind seguing from zombie-killing stippers to aquacultured trout to catch-and-release. Maybe I’m being too analytical and should just let literature flow over me.

  5. Craig, first time here?

    You’ll get used to it.

    It’s kinda like Belushi’s rant in Animal House, He’s on a roll. Beer helps.

  6. Actually there’s no linkage between Zombie killing strippers and catch & release. Nielsen claims semi-naked female flesh is worth 100 hits and 4 comments, regardless of the content of the article …

    Kids killing zombies, and us allowing them to ply their expertise on fish (which bleed profusely) might entice a few to join our ranks (if we don’t screw it up and mention mayflies and $700 waders too soon.)

    @Steve Z – that is a great rejoinder, did you earn a Singlebarbed hat yet? Drop me a note with your mailing address, you just earned one son ..

  7. Beer helps a bit. Tequila is better, but loathsome.

    I’ll stick with Laproaigh.

    But, as Feynman says: “You’ve got to think about it to really get the pleasure”

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