Extreme Sports, fishing for animal activists

Remember, if you crack the shell you’re fishing an emerging peanut – which is within the rules – but lacks the nobility of the overhead dry goober.

 You can put Rabbit back on the menu

Squirrel fishing – perhaps the only venue left to us fly fishermen once the litany of ills dispatches the gamefish, carp, and pikeminnow. You’re required to use a rod – but it appears the IGRA (International Game-Rodent Association) has lax tippet standards.

That nice old lady is going to scream and unleash her poodle on you, the tear streaked faces of small children will bring the gendarme, and the quarry is no slouch, positively everything necessary for rich tales of adventure, frustration, and potential incarceration.

Urban setting, shadowy anglers flitting behind a screen of foliage, and the ragged bosom of wine bottles, candy wrappers, and yesterday’s paper?

It’s a “brownlawn” sport.

Considering the mounds of squirrel fur on my desk, Catch and Release is out of the question.  “Park Antelope” is first class dubbing – and I’ll gladly share the meat with my recession strapped neighbors.

Anyone can pull a nut from the hands of a squirrel, but the adept squirrel fisherman must tune his craft, maintaining balance between himself and the squirrel, and eventually rewarding the squirrel for his valiant competition by ceding the nut. Ideally, great care is taken not to overfeed squirrels, not to hit them with nuts, and not to treat them roughly (though verbal abuse is encouraged).

If it’s canny enough to overcome a kite twine tippet backed by disc drag, I’ll surrender my nut. If not, a couple pounds of playground sand in the rod tube will ensure a humane ending to the contest.

With the possibility of uniformed interference and protesters, I’d suggest limiting your outings to weekdays and full dark.

The “Bubonic Plague” thing? – that was rats living in the city, squirrels only carry rabies.

8 thoughts on “Extreme Sports, fishing for animal activists

  1. kbarton10

    The grey squirrel types insist on a overhead presentation with an unshelled nut. The Red contingent are beer guzzling poachers (so say the Gray ..)

    That leaves you and me in the middle, reviled by both camps.

  2. Trout Underground

    I now officially regret inventing the term “brownlining” or encouraging Mr. Barton and his low-brow ilk, especially as I suspect he’s violating every covenant of gentlepersonhood by using salted nuts when squirrel fishing.

    Everyone knows real sportsmen fish only unsalted nuts; those bastards fishing salted nuts are ruining the sport, and I’ve heard from some pretty reliable sources that kind of person often kicks their dog too.

  3. Fishing Jones

    I use m&ms but the composite candy shell pisses off the purists who rant about its mass produced feel and expense compared to organic hand grown peanuts

  4. kbarton10

    TU: Salted nuts are the best short term, but it plays hell with the sustainable fishery concept – the quarry migrates from their traditional lie to the drinking fountain.

    Fishing Jones: You’re welcome at my fire anytime, as is anyone that fishes a rod extruded from a nozzle like a noxious twinkie.

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