The Great Cunard Conspiracy

I have often wondered whether greasy duck’s arse feathers weren’t akin to bottled water… give it a fancy french name like Cul Du Canard, and sell it to the pretentious rubes that lick the pages of anything Ziff Davis.

Heresy? Yep. But having been exposed to duck behavior for the better part of 40 years, something is amiss. Preening, is the act of smearing oil on feathers, oil floats, so do ducks - and the common assumption is that oily duck’s arse floats like a cork. But does it?

Most fowl feathers are exposed to a cleansing process that removes and sterilizes the feathers prior to commercial resale, just how much of that oil remains? Damn little, as the feathers are dry to the touch.

A scientific work on the the Uropygial gland of birds suggests there is an uncertain relationship between gland function and flotation:

“On the other hand, birds living in aquatic environments not always have a more developed gland than non-aquatic birds … The role could be more complex than a feather waterproofing function.”

As such, are we paying bottled water prices for a run-of-the-mill feather whose floatation qualities largely lie in its surface tension? It appears plausible.

A study by the British Royal Society of Science suggests that the preen gland in sandpipers changes its secretion during the mating season, and is in part used to “sign” the nest. Similar to what your dog does to your carpet when his backside itches, but different.